Dear Diabolic Dean...

Brook!
I know I promised not to mention any stories from my side of life as a student in the dent fac but today's incident is kind of necessary. It's nothing big but I'll be honest in stating my opinions of it so, colleagues beware!

the face says it all

As usual on Friday mornings, lectures on Oral Surgery. Today was the dean's turn [he's not really diabolic, I just liked the way it sounded] and he LOVE's asking questions. Testing us if we actually understand what we were being taught or at least the meaning of commonly used words. Yes, very normal and very relevant but the way he does it, to me it's disgusting. And many other students have that sense of negativity towards him too but maybe in other ways.

So I entered the classroom and as the other studs were filling in, I recognized a pattern, the same thing happened when I was with their seniors last year. They left the front 4 rows empty and crowded at the back. No offense but WHAT THE HELL??!! That's absurd! I know they didn't want to be the victim of his frequent bombardment of stomach-quenching questions but how in the hell would stepping back 4 rows was going to help them escape? As I said, fucking absurd! Other than that, it was fucking rude! I just couldn't grab the rationale of doing such a thing. We're practically adults but we still make choices like we did back in pre-school years. And I thought I was the one being left behind in maturing.

They preach unity [not all but I know a few] but here is where they subconsciously reveal their selfishness. When you're faced with a problem, you have 2 main choices: Get through it or run from it. If you choose the previous, then there's 2 other choice: Face it headstrong or by sucking up to it. I think they chose neither and was simply being obnoxious. What should've been done was to join up forces and strike. Today, I tried to make them [the juniors] sit in the front rows with me, like I did last year, but it's hard when you're the only one believing in something. The majority thinking always wins but they're not always right and I am never going to succumb to the saying, 'If you can't beat them, join them'. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I feel relieved leaving them. But today I found myself trapped in dejavu, here it goes again [does the OkGo treadmill dance].

Other than that, back to the lecture, a few people did eventually sit next to me but only after the dean enquired of their actions. Then he started with the questions, finally leading to "what is the meaning of pain?" While he asked a few people I formulated my own answer on a piece of paper. In the end he came to me with the same question and I answered, "the sensation inflicted by any hurting factor." He quickly pulled the mic and said, "bla3, I couldn't even understand what you just said." And goes off to ask other studs. They laughed at the scene. Okay fine, so maybe I mumbled a bit but he didn't even give me a chance to clearly restate it. If he did hear my answer he certainly didn't want the others to hear it from me. If he didn't hear it then obviously he's already full of himself by assuming nobody can answer his simple question. When nobody could provide a satisfying answer he finally said, "Pain is the sensation when your are hurt in mind or body." ...
Not to boast but my answer was the closest anybody could get. It practically means the same thing except for the mind and body part or as I would put it, emotionally and physically. You know where I'm going with this. I don't think he wants anyone to correctly answer him, because then he wouldn't be able to lavish in the glory of being the only one right or the only one with a thought. Now, how are we supposed to look up to a prick like that?

Well, I hope that's the last of it. Sorry for the harsh language and sorry to those who were offended in the process of me making my point. I apologize but I have to stick to my principles of being honest. The truth hurts and that's the truth.

Later days...

Ramadhan is peeping in !!

Yay, Brook! It's gonna be the holy month of Ramadhan in a few days! I can't wait, I love Ramadhan and I think everybody, I mean every Muslim should [No, that wasn't a commanding sentence, no more commanding].

WHY? Here we go...

1. It's a period of realignment.
As Islam is in every aspect of our life, fasting can be very beneficial without you realizing it's effects until you're reading it off flyers abundantly being passed around as reminders in this time of month.
I see Ramadhan [this includes the fasting laa] as a car wash. We go in all battered up here and there, deprived in every way, the mind is heavily torn, even the soul wants to get out! We should get the best out of this coming one as if it will be our last and struggle with all the merit collection...ibadah laa. It's hard, I know, but you will feel very fulfilled once it ends. 10 times the feeling of passing up your final exams paper. No, I haven't felt it but that's what my Ma told me. And I agree because I'm usually never the best example of 'hamba Allah' and everytime Ramadhan ends I feel regretful and kind of hollow. So I know if I buck up and keep it up through the whole month, I can turn the whole tree of consequences upside down. Get all fixed. It's not getting reborn or resetting to default configuration but it can lift you up a level.
Exit the car wash with a tailored interior and gleaming exterior. The spirit all polished to face another year of trials in life.

2. Everyone will be on anger management...hopefully

Because it's generally understood that anger and hatred is a little towards the dark side a.k.a. the devil, we should be free of it when they're [the devils] not even around to provoke it in us. If not then we are the devil...akakaka! Or at least devilish.
I'm hoping I can rid it off me. It's been a while since I've flipped though. I find myself recovering from an episode of tantrum quicker then I usually do. I try to laugh it out loud instead of telling people off or just simply change the environment to switch it off. Maturity? Well, if you consider being rasional is matured, then I guess I am matured...in that aspect of self-control.

3. Family dinner [fast-breaking @ breakfast] becomes special and is of top priority!
I don't think I need to explain this.

4. An excuse to end the day early.
Because it's tiring not getting a bite to eat for 13 hours! That is no excuse, it's pure logic! Even when I was an elementary schooler in England, we were told to stay inside the classroom when the other kids had to go out play in the playground, just so we won't tire easily and can last the whole day since they don't allow us Muslim kids to go home early just because we're fasting. And here's a confession, I cheated on fasting a lot during those times. Always popping in some food in my mouth when nobody's looking.

5. Raya preps...oooh!!
As a student, I can't really feel this anymore. It used to be the best times ever. I miss it dearly. Baking Raya cookies with my sibs, widening those pockets for all the Raya money, the incredible search for new shoes, and I think losing weight was once part of the prep when I was in high school. All these little things [except the weight thing] can be the joys of life for a kid. It's a shame to lose it but somehow we can't agree with it while we're on this voyage.

I'm sure there's a lot more that I missed but I've already taken up enough of my studying session for the night. So, good luck for this Ramadhan.

Later days...

Falling Slowly...

The title is subjective to various perspectives. To me it simply means 'floating', either in or out of love, self-configuration, or norm.

I'm just buying time until my clock strikes 2am. I decided to hit the bed at 2am and so it shall be. I came up with a few more theories and revelations of my psychological growth. Unfortunately, a few things were of higher priority than jotting them down so I need to remind myself to spend a little sit-down-time with Brook in the near future.

Just bought myself a food cabinet to store all the nit-bits needed to flourishly supply my greedy little tummy at night especially with the Ramadhan month just creeping around the bends. Only wished I brought my screwdriver too. Darn it!

Oh and of course, I now have Celcom Broadband thus, I now have the world at my fingertips. If only I have enough brain cells to store at least 1/4 it's content. Possible? Yes...in a way.

IT'S 2!! Later days... Halt! This is my shortest entry ever!! Hahaha!

Olympics 2008...the fight for humanity

What a great show the Chinese put on yesterday for the opening ceremony. The lights were amazing, the scroll was awesome. I just pity the Chinese girls and guys being the borders, they had to do that clapping cheering thingy for hours! But they did it anyhow, for the country they love.

See, that's something I lack. Nationalism was never my thing, it's not that I don't love this country. I'm thankful because this is the only country where I can walk around freely being myself, not having to fear any racial or religious attacks [it exists but at the utmost minimal level]. I'm an individualist, a selfish brat that lives for thyself and thy family only. I guess that's why it's hard for me to trust people, even when people begin to trust me I try to shed it off by doing things they wouldn't expect. Trust, to me is like an attachment. But it's okay if the link isn't that clustering, like I can go off for months without talking to this trustee but I can still come back and ask a favour. Unfortunately there aren't that many people who can tolerate that kind of behaviour and logically thinking, nobody should. So, okay I get that and I'm sorry. But I get really uncomfortable when I'm around people other than family for too long. That's an ego of mine other than the 'pink' issue.

But anyway, the Olympics to me is a noble fight for the last strand of humanity left in everyone of us. Everybody is preaching for world peace but nobody actually believes in it. If they do then they shouldn't. But the games show that they are willing to try and bring everyone together. I'm not saying it's impossible, in a cruel world like this anything is possible. But if by any chance we do get absolute peace, there wouldn't be anything left to live for. So we don't want war between nations, but killings and corruption won't cease to stop.

Actually when you think about it, is the Olympics really the symbol of unity? They're fighting amongst themselves. Okay, so athletes are professionals and they have sportsmanship, I respect that. Maybe it's just me, I fail to see the whole point because I'm too caught up in my own kingdom of metal and fairy tales.

Anyhow, this is my last week staying at home. Tomorrow I'm off to college, so no more waking too early in the morning to catch the train every weekday. I'm gonna miss that. Including the free net connection...huhuhu! There could be a chance I won't be staying at college anymore next year. My brother told me of his plans to purchase an apartment somewhere in KL and he's asking me to be his housemate. Cool. But it's just a plan in mind.

Laters...

Metallic as in everything...

What a hell of a long time since I've written...again. If you've been reading some of the previous posts you would know that I'm back to my ancient old routine by now...classes and clinics and shyte. But whatever...my posts are clean out of em'. I've been too caught up with classes, house chores [still enjoying em' since I'm still at home], and Nazrin Firdaus [the new hot stuff].

A few things I'm glad having back are my big bro [fresh from England] and METAL!! My bro brought back all his Jap dorama collection and those Morning Musume shyte..and he knows I'm gonna get my head all wrapped up around it in no time, though I think my metal vibe is stronger than ever now, and I might not even commit this time around. Who knows? If I do get into deep Jap mode it'd only last a few months or so, as it usually do, but metal or rock is how I live it. To be honest with you, being back in 'you know where' kind of threatens my newly formed principles and way of thinking. I guess breaking the habit is harder than I thought [Damn you Linkin Park!!]

I know it's kinda ridiculous to look up to rockstars as role models of principles and philosophy, but who said they are my only ones. Take in the good and f**k the bad, when in doubt just throw it the hell out. I am trying my hardest to level out with myself...man that sounds selfish in a good way...haha!! Balance in life is hard and nearly impossible to achieve and though it does hurt trying but at least you're gaining experience in your efforts. Futile it is not!

One other issue that's getting my principles all jumbled up was boy trouble. Not that I have a boyfriend to give me any but there is this guy who is wanting to be more than friends. Disgusted as I was at first, a few weeks later I find myself excited waiting for his call. Fortunately, I managed to come to my senses quickly [thanx Syirol] and shove all that crush crap down the effin drain. What a load of sentimental humanoid shyte! Someday maybe but not now please. Although, I'm still keeping him as a friend because he's a metalhead and with my type of personality out in the open, they are hard to come by.

Vypress, my guitar!! I hardly touched you in the holidays and I've got the soft finger pads to prove it! Huhuhu!! But that's one more thing coming back now..yay! Trying to play James Morrison, Travis, and OneRepublic. I know, I know..they're no metal mongers, but come on, I can't really play metal on an acoustic guitar. Plus I'm no narrow minded metalhead, I'm generally a music enthusiast.

What else? I'm trying to drain all the updates out so that I can go silence for a few more weeks. hahaha..I might be kidding there.

Ghost Hunters!! Heee~ A topic for another day.

Sorry for being low on pics..I've been too busy and lazy to capture the moments on a digicam.

That's enough for now so LATERS!!

My New No.1 Villain !! ~sorry Darth Maul

Prince Nuada

After watching Hellboy 2: The Golden Army yesterday, I just can't stop thinking about the villain in it. He's an ultimate fighter, ambitious, vicious, smooth and of course, Brit accented. He is Prince Nuada, son of the Elf King. He fights for his right as an elf to live freely in his world, the forests, even if it means killing off mankind [mostly city folks] who cares not for the natural beauty they deliberately destroy to gain more power over the lands. He cares not for fame and fortune. His title as a prince is way beyond deserving than the princes in the human world.

I too think his father, the king, is too weak. Surrendering to the dictating human mind and fooling himself that doing nothing is the only choice for survival [but if you find yourself in a real-life hostage situation, please ignore the criticism for it is true, just not so in the movies]. If they want to remain on this earth they should reveal themselves as they are no more than fairytales in the human world.

Other than that mega fighting spirit, he has skills man! This, I have to applaud actor Luke Goss for putting in so much effort into the fight scenes. Actually they are the only parts worth watching the movie for.

I don't know about the comic versions and all but I think some scenes are just truly unnecessary. Plus, Liz! What the heck is your function in the movie other than being the bitchy girlfriend and pregnant to Red's twins?! She keeps holding a gun around in a fierce yet blank stance but fails to do anything until the end. That goes the same to you too Abe. If my Axel Rozz character was in this movie, she'd definitely, no doubt would be fighting on Prince Nuada's side, other than falling in love with him. I had to make that a statement.

So he looks like a corpse with a post-mortem job done on his face but hey, look at Darth Maul. It suits him anyway. Lovely beasts.

All and all, for this movie I rate it 7/10 stars. Mainly for the fighting scenes of Prince Nuada, stunts, special effects and costumes. The puppets look fine and if they didn't try to make them look like they're talking I might've given 7.5/10. Some scenes give negative points and you can thank Liz for that. Selma Blair is not to blame though, I like her style.

Later days.

Making The Most

Haha Brook, 3 days in a row I've managed to be unbelievably responsible...seriously getting caught up at every minute of every hour. All is taking place smoothly as if it was meant to happen, as if I'm on my definite track to glory. I think the birth of my new nephew, Nazrin Firdaus has something to do with this.

I'm finally an aunt and with my mom busy caring for her 1st grandchild and his mom, I feel that it is my duty to keep everything else at the lowest cluttered state as possible. I wish this thing in me would last, I really don't mind doing all the chores and all the driving anymore. 1 thing's for sure, it's keeping me fit and that's the best side effect one could ever wish for.

This is without a doubt the best 2 month holiday EVER. I've done a lot although remaining at the same site, my parent's house. I guess all in all, taking part in contributing to others does make you feel like a whole better person. I can be really selfish in conversations but labour work is something I'd prefer over 5 years of you know what, but in my case, 6 years.

I wanted to post a cool personality test I found a few weeks ago but I can't seem to find it anymore. I was half asleep when I found it anyway. I googled it then but I can't remember what I typed anymore. For 2 days I tried retracing my steps but all effort turns futile. Damn! Oh well, at least I remember mine.
It lists a few choices of superhero powers and asks you to pick 1 and only 1 power. I picked invisibility. Later below it gives a description of what type of person you are and what type of career path suitable for each certain characteristic. Mine was dead on, a writer or a private investigator. I'd like to add assassin to that list since they are similar to a P.I. prior the execution.

Later days.

6 days to go...

Dear Brook,

What a mistake to be doing this countdown until D-day. But nevermind, if it's the only thing that'll get me writing again then so be it. Since I already wrote an entry last night and I woke astonishingly early this morning -in shock of the tremendous amount and degree of responsibilities laying ahead of me, be it in family and studies-, this one is gonna sweat me out.

I know!

I'v been somewhat a part of a project with my younger brother. I'm supervising his 'Gays Cooking Club'. The name is silly, I know, but he and his friends are 16 years below so who cares. Other than that I'm also the camera dude, recording the moments of history where 3 boys test their hands at cooking. We started about 2 weeks ago when my brother, J.E. came up with the idea while watching pastry chef Anna Olsen on 'Sugar', AFC. I, being the fabulously supportive big sister, of course agreed on the spot. So far, they've made an apple pie, pretzels, and lasagna. Today will be cookie day. According to JE, they'll be making peanut butter, chocolate, and butter. 3 boys, 3 recipes, 3 main events, busy busy busy.

Apple Pie [Success!] - we used Anna Olsen's recipe from AFC's official website.

Comments: It was a little too sweet because we couldn't make out how much was 1 cup. We might have overdosed on the orange zest too.





Pretzels [Easy!] - I have no idea where we got it from so I'm just gonna give it to you below. Even the pic isn't my original because the camera was charging at that time.

Ingredients:
Makes 6 large or 12 small pretzels.
* 3 1/2 C (1/2 kg) of flour
* 4 Tbsp. brown sugar
* 2 tsp. (12 g) salt (sea salt preferably)
* 1 Tbsp. (12 g) yeast, dissolved in 1 C (237 g) water that's fairly warm but not hot (120°F, 49°C)

The following ingredients are for coating the pretzels before baking (step 7-8):
* 1 Tbsp. (14 g) baking soda dissolved in 1 C (237 g) boiling water
* 1 egg beaten with 1 teaspoon water in a small bowl
* (Optional) Vegetable

Steps:
1. Mix brown sugar, salt, and the yeast and water mixture in a food processor or a large mixing bowl. Add flour and mix until the dough is smooth. If the dough is sticky, add a little more flour. If possible, let the dough sit overnight in a plastic container in the fridge. NOTE: the dough will rise overnight by as much as a third, so be sure to use a large enough container!
2. Divide the dough into 4, 6 or 12 pieces. Roll each piece into a rope. If you're working with 12 pieces, make the ropes very thin, a little bigger than a pencil. If you're making 4, you can roll them to about cigar thickness and 36 inches (almost a meter) long.
3. Shape a single rope into an upside down "U" on your table. Bring the ends together and twist them as shown.
4. Bring them to the top of the pretzel. Flatten the ends with your fingers and press in the dough to secure, making it look like a pretzel. Place on a greased cookie sheet.
5. Repeat the previous two steps with the remaining pieces of dough and place them on the cookie sheet, too.
6. Allow the pretzels to raise for 30 minutes -- until they've about doubled in size.
7. Brush with the water-soda solution. Or, for a chewier crust, mix 2 Tbsp. (24 g) baking soda with 4 C (1 kg) boiling water and drop the pretzel in there for about the count of 10 and then lift out with a strainer or pancake turner.
8. Brush the pretzels with the egg and water mixture. This gives the pretzel a nice, shiny glaze. Then sprinkle with toppings like:
• coarse salt (see Tips below)
• garlic and Parmesan cheese
• Cinnamon and sugar
• sesame seeds
9. Bake in a pre-heated oven 400° to 450° F (225° C) for 10 to 15 minutes or until browned. Carefully remove from the oven and place on a sheet of aluminum foil to cool.

Comments: To me, it was deliciously simple. But the boys weren't satisfied with the taste and the challenge it failed to provide. Poyo je. But then again, I never tasted an actual pretzel.

Lasagna [Improvised!] - we used a recipe from Allrecipes titled Easy Lasagna I.

Comments: They improvised a lot on this one since a lot of the ingredients weren't available near our local supermarkets. Some cheeses had to be replaced and surprisingly, lasagna noodles weren't to be found. So instead, they lined spaghetti noodles on top of the meat sauce. This was a very funny episode.

From what I've seen, either the boys can't understand the kitchen language or they're constantly looking for short cuts. I'm excited for today!

Until tomorrow!

Jitters of the remaining week...

Woaw it's been a while...a long 3 weeks while. I haven't been as busy but instead I've been watching a lot of Discovery and NatGeo's programs. Not so much going on online anymore. Finished all the movies and music downloads so the laptop stays lifeless throughout most of the days, only peeking in every now and then to chat with the abroad.

I'm running thin on thoughts so I haven't been writing as much as before. Inspiration is hard to come by with a hustling atmosphere in the background. Plus I'm pushing myself to go all physical, get fit, eat fit [this one is hard]. Training myself to go the extra mile and beat the boundries, hopefully it'll be a breeze once I have to go into training under ATMa. Damn, that was a mistake. But how was I to know that my priorities and principles were gonna be tossed around reforming and discovering. Oh well, once it's all up and done I can be proud to tick it off my list of experiences. Including this dentistry business.

After graduating [with Allah's will] I'm planning to take a dive into either forensics or zoology to redeem my past goals. So I'll either be working on a corpse or a tiger. If I go into forensics, I might further into psychology later on, become an expert on murderers such as in 'Most Evil'. But that's a long shot away. There are always the alternatives that I won't mention here because most might not agree on me taking the path.

Last month I wanted to write on the subject of personalities and how I am one who takes it very seriously. I like to see the groups of personalities one might have, analyze their actions and what influenced it. It's easier to see it in the kids I'm taking care of at the daycare. At that young of age, you can see clearly how they reflect their parents, their prime role models. Others include Ultramen, Power Rangers and the many manga/anime characters. Innocent? According to my experience, not really.

My sister just gave birth to a baby boy today at around 2am. His name? Uncertain, for his parents just realized the name they were planning on was identical to one of our cousins. So, let us wait and see. According to my mom, his birth is the best birthday gift ever. I agree.

Until I have time to virtually blabber off again, later days.

Go awaaayy!!

Yay, got my momentum back and more. I went out twice this week which is twice as more than the other previous weeks where I only find pleasure around the house.

But all and all, I'm just frustrated with my male cousin who's still here, staying over until his thesis is done. Why am I frustrated? Kne pakai tudung 24/7! It's been around a month now, including the time at Kelantan, that I have to keep my head all wrapped up! It's clustering. How much longer is he gonna stay?! Can't he see me deliberately showing my vile uneasiness of the situation?! Go home dude!

Anyway...the worms project! Damn it, seems the worms I picked up aren't really up for the task of recycling food scraps and other wastes. I already knew that I had to get 'Tiger worms' for this type of duty, that's why I did this small scale experiment in the first place. To see if I can actually compensate with regular garden worms. Guess not. Oh well. NEXT!

I took off the shout out box. I thought it was a lame excuse to keep popping back to check if anyone's left a note. I should remember the reason why I blogged in the first place.

Later days...

zombie mist

To start off, just imagine I cursed a whole 5 rowed-paragraph.

A week of holiday in the village was awesome and I had a super trippadacious [I rightfully claim that word as mine] load of fun with the cousins and the rest of the family members. The details of the family day won't be up for grabs since I don't think anyone really cares unless they're a family member. In this case, either my bro Syam [in England], who I think has too big an ego to read my blog; or my cuz Nuha [in New Zealand], who has read at least 1 post. The rest of the family attended. Imagine having 13 married couples and 43 of us cousins in one house. It's a big house but apparently not big enough.

BBQing while grandpa tells his tale...inside. This is outside. Picture taken from rooftop.

The good thing was that we didn't have to do the performance I was all wrecked up about. I didn't finish the script, we didn't have time to translate the whole thing to malay [I think and write mostly in english...geng Amar], had no time for rehearsals, and amazingly...no time for any performance! Instead, my grandpa gave a very long speech about his past, it was like attending a history lecture...zzzzZZ. Don't get me wrong! It was neatly said and very flourished but my attention span is really short unless he directly talks to me, and it was a crowd there! The speech took some time and I even had to cancel the last game or competition, the one I was really looking forward to, 'Lip Sync'. I announced the winner, gave out prizes, chilled with the boys and went to sleep at 3am.

The reason I swore a whole imaginary paragraph on top was because that the holiday in Kelantan just made a mess of me after coming back to Bangi. I came back on Wednesday which means I was still in school holidays and the daycare was still out. To simplify, I had nothing to do and whatever I had aligned before this whole family day planning got to my head was all blown away. So a zombie, I became for 4 days. I even adapted the wise owl's sleeping schedule. Now there's a lesson, if you want to be wise, please don't listen to an owl. It's a bird and it hoots. Of course I hoot too sometimes but mice aren't my delicacy. I lost my momentum. Even in writing, I just get too lazy to go grab pen and paper when a new idea pops up. They'll come back.

Hoping to accelerate back to previous level!!

I'm too sleepy to continue. Of course when I say or write that I simply mean I'm bored now and I want to do something else like singing, watch a movie, youtubing or admire rock bands.

Later days...

Family Day Preps...

Masterminding may lead to world domination...beware!

Yaay! Family Day is coming up. I'd love to say that I can't wait for it to come but because I'm the one in charge of all the games and performances, I'm wishing for another week. The games are well in order [hopefully], and I got the green light from my mom who's in charge of everything else. I've distributed some power and freedom to the other cousins so that it'll run smoothly. Props are mostly recycled stuff, don't wanna be wasting money too much. Improvise with the abundant garbage around us.

The problem that keeps knocking in my head is the night's performance!! My brother and I are planning to do something like Demetri Martin's 'The Land Where My Jokes Come From'...but instead of all that funny nonsense, I'm touching reality and dedicate it to my family. If only I'd get some inspiration to finish the half-completed script. So it's either that or perhaps an adaptation of 'Aci Aci Bukak Pintu'. Either way, I only have untill Saturday morning to gather the cousins to rehearse. NERVE-WRECKING...there's a lot of 'what if's going on in my head right now.

Well, I'll be having my 8 hour journey to Kelantan (where the Family Day will take place) tomorrow morning at 4am. Hopefully I'll be able to wake up on time. YOSH!!

May luck be on our side...especially mine!

Later days...

Previous Week

Hey Brook,

I've been really busy having tons of fun sweating out from head to toe. It's not like my past holidays in which I've always been pretty much dead as a zombie.

Had a hell of a time playing football with the boys [or simply watching em']. Missed being so active. I even sprained my right thumb last Friday, attempting to be the goalie [damn I miss those days!]. This slowed me down on the weekends.

She has a name now. I'm just not sure what it is...heheh.

Saturday. Went to visit my new cousin in Damansara born on 16th May [the day before]. She's not even a day old in the picture.

Sunday. Zombie day.

Monday was a drag even though it was a holiday. I had to cancel some plans due to rain. And it upsets me that I had to use a spoon to feed myself. I even had to hold it at a certain angle in order to prevent the pain of my poor thumb.

On Tuesday, I had a great time jamming with my bro and the transit boys. It's been quite a while since I get to sing out loud. We did multiple versions of ManBai's 'Kau Ilhamku', including punk and reggae. I felt Myles Kennedy's vibe at some point singing that song with my own style. I tried to use Phil Anselmo's southern style too. After that we headed out for more football.

Wednesday. Birthday celebrations. Busy day! At the DayCare we have 2 sessions of kids coming in and out. 'The morning kids' [TMK: 7-9 yrs old] and 'the afternoon kids' [TAK: 10-high school]. My mom and I had to handle birthdays for both sessions and still get them to school, on time, as usual. I had to keep the TMKs from getting too excited without raising my voice, very hard, almost impossible. For the TAKs, things were easier. I only had to settle the food part: 2 barrels of KFC, 3 large coleslaw, 3 large whipped potato, & 3 cheesy wedges.

I somehow like being the delivery gal. I did in fact consider being a 'mat despatch' if ever having to quit what I'm doing now. True story.

Thursday. Woke up to find the electricity was out. Some guys were upgrading our power box so that we can put a lot of air conditioners in the house since global warming isn't showing any signs of toning down. Isn't this kinda ironic? Not sure. Anyway, I spent the whole day hanging out in the garden.

Then it rained heavily, so I took advantage of this natural sound blocker to sing out loud to Alter Bridge. Also because of the rain, I was finally in the mood for some worm digging. I've been putting it off due to dry weather and the thumb injury. I managed to find 5 worms. Yaay! So the experiment begins! I hope they're still alive.

In the evening, watched the boys play 'drunken football'. It's what they do when they get bored of the usual methods. It was a real laugh. Wish I had a videocam to record all their shyte. Good times indeed.

Okay...it's Friday morning now. Off to bed!

Later days.

of past, present, & future

Dear Brook,

Brook, my previous journal. Now used for poems/lyrics storage.

Good day.
First of all, I'm feeling very good these past few days. I feel useful. I'll tell why later. I think this is a good time to jot down a few thoughts or self improvements before I forget them like I usually do.

Past:

Yes, I was a very macho baby...

Something I hate to lose. It's not like I'm holding grudges against my past [or still] enemies or have not yet forgiven myself for tripping over so much. It's just like in our studies, we revise or 'ulangkaji' the notes, I revise my memories of previous events over and over again, enquiring why the hell it happened the way it did and not otherwise: sub-junctions [from 'History Boys']. I am a believer of fate, but even fate has it's chain of events [The String Theory...yet to be read]. And also like in our studies, as we mature, we find some things are now easier to understand, to accept and even answer or respond to.

Unlike the puzzling riddle: "Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?", I personally have a definite answer on this one. The problems arrive first, being very obscure and very complicated, then we learn to deal with it and eventually dig our way out, thus achieving a new level of maturity. A situation I call 'Level Up!'. Our ability to reign over our future predicaments depends on how much we've matured. Different individuals achieve varying intensities which may be reflected by a lot of factors I have yet to ponder. Problem solving might take years on end or it might only take a few days. Depression can be a side effect to a chronic problem solving phase. Psychosomatic diseases may follow in chronic depression [I'm a victim, back pains - can't 'rukuk' properly]

That is why I think, the more you were in trouble in the past, the more successful you may become in the future, depending on those unclassified factors I mentioned. Some of them may include family support, friends, environment, and even diet. Negative influences attract negative results. Always look on the brighter side of life. Okay, sometimes it does feel better to dwell upon the darker side...I myself am a villain...but that transient bliss is fueled by the devil. So make sure you anchor yourself before you enter that kingdom.

My previous self was very cowardly. I may still be. I never really socialized with people out of my age range. I hardly socialized with my own. My life only revolved around my big family. This affected my level of social skills and self confidence . A problem I'm still struggling with to this today. I was a very eruptive child, a very moody one. I even liked to externally abuse my kid sister [pull her hair, slap and pinch her] with no reason. I was like a tiny Hitler! External abuse is seen as a common method of child upbringing in our culture since long ago. Parents do it to their children, the children pick it up early on and practiced among themselves. I don't agree with it now that I've grown out of it and I think it should be prevented. But I'm not against mental torture yet . Hehehe...

Present:

Shadow Puppeteer

The reason why I'm feeling good lately is that I've been helping out a lot more around the house than previously, doing chores, tending the fishes out in our pond and working out. Even my back pain is regressing, a definite sign that I'm healing from the depressing phase I chose to undergo a few months ago. Taking to heart what I've read in one of the many books, I think I even quoted it before in one of my posts. To optimize the use of the present time. Filling every second with something constructive. Getting the experience!

Other than supervising the kids at the day-care [which I'm really enjoying now], I've also decided to build a worm farm. I'm still in the researching and experimenting phase. Nothing is for sure yet. I'm also making myself read a lot. Nothing related to dentistry of course, just anything to my interests, mentalism, psychology, etc. To my surprise, I've taken too much of my time on these activities that I haven't been watching television for 3 days in a row now. At least not a whole program or movie, just a few minutes now and then. I wonder how I'm going to fit in my sword forging plan.

I know it may sound like I've finally found myself, but I'm clueless of what I may become if stress returns into my life. The future.

Future:

The rise of Axel Rozz

I try not to think of where I 'might' end up. Just taking in this glorious present. My time is here and now. I only think of my near future, like the list of things I should experience through out my holiday. Marriage, and riches are out of the question. Career? I keep hoping that it would actually involve my interests. Then I wouldn't have to call it a 'job', it's my passion. A great reason to live a life, but not the only one.

To gradually improve, we can only hope for the best. Planning may help but excessive planning makes you a stalker of your own life. There are easier ways to get what you want. It may involve you stalking the passion instead of your life.

Look, I may be wrong to some or most of you, but this is how I see things through my lense in this present time. I am still in the process of expanding my theories and experiences.

Later days...

Villainous I Am

Good day! Yes I'm still lost in holiday, but that's enough whining.

For this blog, I would like to list down my top 3 villains. I thought of putting up 5, but the other 2 just couldn't match up to these 3 even if they had 5 sequels. So, here's the countdown:

3. T1000
Villain of Terminator-2. He's like a sick demented version of James Dean [check out the hair]. Very sharp, ruthless, and cold steel. And that uniform! Bad bad cop. He can easily kill anyone, including Mr.Terminator himself if it wasn't for the big guns that he badly needed to kill him. T1000 on the other hand is already equipped in every way. He's liquid metal and can transform into anything he touches, human flesh and metal objects [swords, blades]. Being shot will affect his physical appearance, but then he'll just cover it up again. Emotionless, so he can execute his mission efficiently, no excuses.


2. Agent Smith
Yess, everybody loves Agent Smith. So smooth and so full of twisted words to fool his enemy. Though he does have a temper issue, but who wouldn't if you know you were 'designed' specifically to be the bad guy when you are so stinkin' smart and resourceful. I'd be pissed off [not really]. He's pissed off because he's just a program and the matrix is suffocating him. But the truth is, he just makes me laugh. He never stops trying and the good guys never give him a break, he gets pissed off but he still goes on! Perseverance! What a great example. Agent Smith is like the aching pimple on your chin. No, wait, that's disgusting. He is a volcano eagerly struggling to erupt.

1. Darth Maul
Need I say more? I considered putting Vader for he was the one who lasted longer out of the two, but come on! Vader was previously the 'crybaby' Anakin. Darth Maul is such an obedient student, so patient, so dexterous. He died by the hands of Obi-Wan-Kenobi. So noble the death was. I know there is more to his history than there was in the film but I'm too lazy too read the books. He's a much evil person in there, that's why he deserves to top this list. The double ended red lightsaber is such a trademark. Plus, he has the dark side of the force! What more can you ask? Spikey head, black & red tattooed skin, and evil eyes.


There you go. Now, moving along I'd like to share with you another kind of villain. Me. What kind of a villain shall I be? Well basically, I'll be a mix of these 2:












Neo and Lady Deathstrike. From Neo, his cool factor and intelligence, not the fact that he's the chosen one. From Lady Deathstrike, her mutant powers of course [I may compensate with daggers] and her eyes, not the hair. Enhanced from both characters, the fighting skills! I cannot go solo so I would be working under a bigger force, I am second in charge, always beside my boss. My boss? Possibly a very sick and dying one, very frail though king-like figure. But no I won't be the nanny taking care of him, that'll be his reluctant daughter. I'm all for the fun and glory and passion. Money? Stored away for a rainy day. I would twist my words so beautifully as Agent Smith would, but with a very polite manner, that my enemy [the good guys] would find me charming & just can't wait to knock me out. Cunning shall I be, like Blackadder.

I shall become...the ultimate villain.

My name...Axel Rozz. [I'v been so fond of that name recently...I hope Axl Rose won't mind]


don't pay much attention to this pic. it's taken years back.

Need Solitary Confinement

Oh darn! And I thought this long holiday would be productive. A week in and I'm already getting annoyed. There's still a lot to do but I don't feel like they're enough in the sense of productivity. Or am I just lazy? It's the heavy mist again. I hope I can get rid of it before it suffocates me like last year.

I can't really headbang & sing with this new voice since it 'boom's too much [hoho poyo!] and neighbours are pretty close. But becoz I do it anyway, I have to be alert for any indication of me causing any disturbance.

Creative juices are still flowing alright but not as well when I'm in all locked up by myself. Just had 2 ideas for a new story. Lyrics & poems are getting more affected by DragonForce & Helloween. Fantasy.

Just wish I can get a new videocam to shoot videos...crappy stuff to post on Youtube and then get trashed by vicious comments.

Working at the day care only takes up 5% of my time every day. But it's worth it, interaction with kids, playing fun, bullying the little big mouths. What joy.

I envy prisoners. By being in solitary confinement or just being in a cell for a great length of time, it can turn one's mind into a very innovative tool. They become very resourceful. That is fierce. The brain adapts and compensates. No wonder I feel like a stud...I have everything to satisfy my needs...for the moment.

I am now counting on the internet to give me the thrills and ideas to move along throughout this long rest with a high spirit. Maybe I sould make a smoke bomb and...oooooh...hehehe [laugh turns evil]. No one will ever know.

But anyway! Dudes, give me ideas of what to do or invite me if you're doing anything creative. Let's hang out in the rain for all I care.

Go Genting !!

The day was awesome but in some ways confusing [to be explained later on]. Everything went smoothly according to plan, which I should give credits to my sister, Along for being such a wise conscience that I needed in planning this day.

There were 8 people altogether, me being the eldest, my other sister Aisyah, my bro Faris, and cousins: Dhuha, Hajar, Epi, Tasneem, Hannan. In the photo, from left, it would be: Hannan, Tas, Hajar, Aisyah, Doo, Me, Faris, & Epi.

I'd love to bore you with the detailed version of this report but unless you're a family member, I doubt you'd be in the least bit interested. So here's the exceptionally brief & pictorial version. [The timeline isn't 100% accurate, they're all -ish2, if you know what I mean]

0730 - met up at UKM KTM Station to head to KL Sentral Station. It was
too early for some of us (the school boys). But never for us girls!










0830 - reached KL Sentral. Bought food supplies and the 'Go Genting Package' tickets.

'Go Genting Package'
The tickets costs RM47 since we went on a public holiday. They cost RM42 on normal days.
It includes the 2-way bus & skyway tickets, and the Genting All Park Theme Park Day Ride Pass.




0900 - Our bus was at 1045, so we had to...'lepak' until it was time.
Waiting + annoyed = Dunkin Donuts.











1045 - Bus ride to Genting Highlands.
It took an hour so, Ipod ON!

















1200 - Made our way to the Genting Skyway cable cars.

What a crowd!

It was like playing 'Snakes' with a room full of strangers.


1230 - Skyway ride! A 15 minutes preview of what was to come.
We had our lunch throughout the ride.







1245 - Independently directed ourselves to the Outdoor Park. Successfully avoided the '1st Timers' syndrome. We nearly got lost, but not completely.











1300 - Got in! YEAAH! Finally!












6 hour journey to have fun, unbelievable. But it was worth a ride for the experience. Or should I say rides. Here are some of which we had the opportunity to venture upon.

The confusing things:
1. The weather - Sometimes it was like the sun was trying to kill us and then later the fog was trying to freeze us. I blame global warming.

2. Mood swings - Sometimes we were having the time of our lives on the rides then later we find ourselves bored to death waiting in line, loathing the others around us: the smoking couple, the gay Indians, the orange couple (touchy2), the very skinny guy in a very tight white trousers and his friends & girlfriends.

3. The lines were tremendously long when we were waiting. But after we had our ride and got off, the lines were half shorter.




























1 ride for every hour. Waiting in line took up 95% of each hour. Time flies when you're having fun...so our fun was incredibly short compared to everything else. But every ride was worth the experience. Especially the Space Shot, it was the closest we could ever get to suicide via jumping off a building. Free fall rocks!! Sky-diving is on my list.

We ended the day with a waffle treat and made our way back to the front gate to exit. Then we saw that the Spinner near the gate was lacking passengers. And so, what the hell! That's why I ticked the Spinner twice.

1945 - 2300
Our journey home. No pictures were taken because we were dead tired and had to rush a bit. But syukur alhamdulillah! Everything went smoothly. Got to our 2030 bus to KL Sentral just in time. We did our prayers at KL Sentral, bought some food for dinner, and darted home.

If only someone could invent a gadget for recording feelings. I wouldn't want to forget the thrills I felt that day. They made me feel alive, man. YEEAAH!!

Okay cuzs, here's the challenge: Whoever can keep the Genting wristband on the longest, wins.
Dateline: Family day on 31st May. The boys are already out. Skolah punya pasal..hehe..

Damaged !!

Damn it! Why is it that when you're really in need of that certain object, it either goes missing or ends up retarded as hell. This shouldn't be, my life is no cliche!! Aaarrgh!

I'm going on holiday tomorrow with the greatest people in my life and found out just a couple hours ago that the camcorder is crapped up. Digi cams are working fine, great but I'm gonna need some live feed there. I know I can get videos with digi cams too but what if I want photos at the same time?
Just hope the rest of the group has cameras too.


We're all exited. All cousins day out. YEAH!! Let's sing for smooth sailing ahead! I wonder if I should bring my ipod along. Maybe I should, since it's gonna be a long bus ride. Plus just in case it gets too dull, I'd need Alter Bridge, A7X, and Muse to keep me giddy. Hahaha!


Since we all tend to turn out gothic when we're together, I hope this won't be like the 'Emo Roadtrip' from Youtube. Hahahaha!

Failed Supremacy

So little have fate left us to reason,

No more room to breathe and to grow,
The faith that lies in every person,
One by one, they fall to sorrow,

Whatever lies in between the fractured soul,
Beauty upholds and stands so true,
As red as the blood that you once sold,
We burn all hope and humanity too,

Up on the mountains we hear them roar,
Across the plains it seeps and spreads,
Behold the power, from the river it pours,
All creatures once roam indeed now dead.

...this was my 30min break from my part-time job at my mom's day-care center...twas my 1st day...
..too..many..kids...must..destroy..inanimate object...censored!

Birthdays...

Happy 16th Birthday to my bro, Faris. JE is his nick. Actually, we were a few days late for this little celebration. His actual birthday-day was ruined by...ME! Sorry! Gomen!

Some chain of events led me to terribly disappoint my parents on that day. But is was also a turning point to a better and improved conscience. The hope finally returns! woo..that reminded me of Star Wars. A New Hope & Jedi Returns. Hahaha! And hope I do that this budding strength shall grow and last. At least untill I face the new unknown. Dare you elude me?! Baah! Hummbug! [what the heck]

The hardest exam of all is growing up. There are no answer schemes to ace it. It's either you hit or miss, then you move on, no turning back. It's kinda exciting now that I recently managed to get back on my feet. Like the line in "Batman Begins", "Bruce, why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." I wonder when I'm gonna hit my next wall, no more plunging into darkness!

No patterns of success can be mapped out because we're humans, we're unstable. So the end result, to me, doesn't really matter since we're all going to die anyway. Here's a cliche: The journey by far is the most important and most exciting. Quotes! "The best thing to do is to fulfil your present needs" - 28 Laws of Attractions. "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" - All At Once by The Fray.

Birthdays are reminders of how far we've gone.

Best of luck!!