Tuesday, 28 September 2010

The Abusive Husband

When did life become so fucking complicated? Maybe it's always been complicated but we were brought up thinking - "It's all gonna be okay, just look on the final pages for answers" - so that when we actually faced complexities, we freak out and need a diaper change.
Why didn't I see it coming?
"Edd, you're gonna be a loser, watch out."
okay, maybe I should be a doctor, that'll get me out of the loser list.
"I guess"
A dentist perhaps? at least that won't be as hard. I'm smart enough right?
"Yaa ehmm *plays Gameboy"
WTH was my conscience playing that stupid aged old game at that time!
And look where you are now...I don't mind tripping here and there but this is just too ridiculous. You people just don't get it! and neither can I! and when that happens every single issue becomes a catastrophe. and you begin to lose yourself, you bounce in and out of the wave not knowing which side is up or down. trapped within the wave, trapped within yourself. you're stuck. you lose faith in everybody, you lose faith in yourself. you can't even carry yourself out of the mess you made. you look around you and how they're alive. you look at yourself and you feel guilty to be breathing in a place meant for another. i'm sorry i stole your place. i am sorry i wasted the government's money. i am sorry for wasting so many paper, so many time, so many words and breath. was it not meant for me? i tried to fit in, i tried to feel it. its just voids outlined by hate. why can't i feel anything.