Monday, 25 May 2009


last view from my previous apartment

Random Q's

1. What is the most important thing in your life?

my conscience

2. What is the last thing that you bought with your own money?

other than food? A black shirt

3. Where do you wish to get married?

Lothlorien, Middle-earth

4. How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?

oops, have none

5. Are you in love?

in a way, yes

6. Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?

err...Hale's Kitchen, Plaza Rah

7. Name the latest book that you bought?

Play Great Guitar by Rikky Rooksby

8. What is your full name?

Nur Hidayah bt. Mohd Suhaimi

9. Do you prefer your mother or father

Ish! Don't make me choose...they're not Pokemon!

10. Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time.

Myles Kennedy

11. Christina or Britney?

Neither actually, but if life depended on it...Christina because I can't stand Britney's voice

12. Do you do your own laundry?

I share the duty with a washing machine

13. The most exciting place you want to go?

in my head

14. Hugs or kisses?

HUGS!! I love hugs!!

15. Point out 5 things about the person who tagged you

nobody tagged me...I felt like boasting myself out

16. 3 things I am passionate about
  • music
  • movies
  • writing

17. 3 things I say too often
  • shyte
  • betch
  • eff off
18. Book I’ve read recently

that book I recently bought

19. 8 songs I could listen to over and over again

  • Street Spirit by Radiohead
  • Glorious by Muse
  • Fuel by Metallica
  • Flowers in the Window by Travis
  • Tall Tales by Spiritual Beggars
  • Pills by HURT
  • Blackbird by Alter Bridge
  • Human Stain by Kamelot
20. 3 things I learned last year
  • smile with your heart
  • there's a reason for everything
  • don't be a bitch

There I'm done. Off to cleaning my room! Later days

Friday, 22 May 2009


Click here to go now...

My Youtube account. Link is also on my LINK! tab on the right column >>>>

As of yesterday, I've decided to actively edit & upload videos in Youtube. It will be my holiday's project for this year. I've already put up a few.

So those of you who has Youtube accounts please go check it out & subscribe if you wish. No force there. Please rate & comment if it's not too much to ask.

Those with no accounts, no fuss in making one. It's free and only takes a while. But still no force there. You can still just watch.


Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Mystifying Event

Two nights ago, my family and I dropped by my apartment to clear up my belongings and take them home. I finished my 6th [8th actually] semester and had to move out. I went up with my 2 brothers to the 14th floor. Although I had already packed up before going home a few days before, we would still need to make a few trips up and down to get everything.

On the first trip up, I already noticed something [I'm aquarius, we're sensitive]. Now I was the last person to leave that apartment, all the other girls had already packed up an left days before I did. I enjoyed 3 nights alone [time of my life] in that empty apartment before I actually went home. When I left, all the doors except my room's were closed, I made sure. The lock to the main door had to be twisted twice to completely secure it, so I did. That night when I went back to fetch my things, it only had to be twisted once and it was open. As I let my brothers in to grab all the heavy boxes, I thought to myself, "Somebody must've came in, but who? It couldn't have been the girls, they live far away and what business would they have coming back to an empty apartment?", and then it occurred to me that it might have been the maintenance guys coming up to fix that broken door latch to the laundry area. So I tossed the matter aside and grabbed a box. Leaving a light on, we left, locking the door [twice] behind us.

For the second trip, I went up with my younger brother. We went in and had a little discussion on who should carry what. Thinking it might be the last trip up, I looked around the study hall in semi darkness to make sure nothing was forgotten, not yet noticing any peculiarity. After loading as much as our 2 hands can carry, I noticed that there's still a pile of shelves to be carried. But it couldn't be done, so I thought I'd come back alone later and quickly grab it. Intentionally not locking the door after leaving, we went down to the car. My father asked if the family could go up to the apartment to pray for Maghrib as it would be too much of a rush if we were to pray at home. "Of course, let's go!" And so we boarded the 1st elevator to the 2nd floor. On the way the second elevator, we realized there's a surau on that floor and decided it would be more convenient to pray there.

After prayers, I went up again with my 2 brothers, just for the sake of bullying them into carrying a few shelves. So of course, they acted bitchy on the way up, even after we split the shelves 3-way. My younger bro even turned of the lights while I was still inside and went to the elevators. It was then that I noticed in the dark, the door to the bedroom right in front the main door was open [not my bedroom door]. So I said to my big bro who was standing right in the doorway, "That shouldn't be open, hold on I'm gonna check it out," and turned to switch the lights back on. As I turned back around, in the flickering lights, I saw the door closing with a bang. I froze, I looked at my bro, he looked at me, I turned back to the door. "Maybe it was the wind," he said. "Impossible. We should've felt it. And the windows in that room are closed." We paused a second and decided to leave. I locked up, twice. My brother then made fun of me being spooked up and I wasn't embarrassed of admitting it, my heart was beating frantically for me to try and find a possible answer.

sorry, have no clearer pic than you can see, fairly empty as I'm the last to go

My bro told the rest of the family of what happened while I accompanied my father to pay for the parking. They pointed out that I shouldn't have left the door unlocked before going down. Well, whatever it was that closed the door that night, I can't help realizing the fact that I have to go back and fetch the curtains before I check out. SHYTE!!

Later days...

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Little Did She Know...

I am, in a way distraught by a very familiar human weakness, nothing lasts. Everlasting is humanely impossible. I don't mind dying, I don't mind the ever revolutionizing human psychology, I don't even mind friends coming and going. It has been a year on 26th April, since I started blogging here. On that day, I took a while off studying to revisit some of my old scribblings. It occurred to me that I'm losing my touch. I felt like that girl in 'The Devil Wears Prada' or that guy in 'How To Lose Friends and Alienate People'. I guess everything in life really does have their own personal list of pros & cons, that includes happiness. As much as I believe 2008/2009 was one of the best years in my development of psychological maturity, I'm no longer exhilarated by being constantly happy. I had a taste, now stop bugging me and let me do my duty.

Happiness, if not
well-balanced can prove deadly. The line between sufficiency & redundancy is a mighty fine one. Unless you're right on the border, you're at risk of 'blindness'. I find myself writing better when I am under certain depression. Or it might just be tonight. Too many things are going on in my mind, traffic is congested. And I'm starting to hate Saturdays. I get headaches on Saturdays and I am officially blank right now. I just spent a minute trying to spell Saturday.

While eating dinner tonight, I remember how I used to hate myself when I'm at school, I was too quiet, to emo, too shy. I loved being around my family instead since I could be more of myself. How the tables have turned. Not that I'd prefer friends over family but I can't be comfortable enough anymore. I think clearer and appear more matured around friends. Is this part of growing up? ..................too tired to think about this tonight.

See how the problems just never stops? Peace never lasts, it'd be too absurd and illogical, the world would fold over. Disclaimer: BUT it doesn't mean we should stop believing in it, we have try to reach it instead of doing nothing. Something is always better than nothing. So a C is always better than failing even if it's not an A. Give your kid a break.

Anyway, I've written 3
songs [Dear Life, Hometown City, Save Us] within a month's time. I have never been so inspired. I hope it lasts...yeah right. They're all in my site, Please visit when you have the time. They're not metal, they're not love songs, don't worry.

May this questionable feeling of human imperfection not reign over my consciousness and suffocate my mist of creativity. Later days...

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Me & My Baldies

It's been a while since my last 'list of's. Here's one that came to my mind, My List of Favourite Bald Men.

When I say bald I don't necessarily mean hairless, I mean less hair as in close-shaven heads.

Why baldies? Ask my subconscious. I guess they seem bold, like they're saying "I don't need a mane to be a man, I just am". My other theory is that they look emotionally vulnerable and I'm a sucker at that.

The sequence is according to succession in time.

Some boy I had a crush on while schooling in England [1992-1996]. He was a well-known prankster and yes I usually go for the naughty ones.

Desmond Harrington
An actor I fancied for quite a long time. He's not a permanent baldy but he's usually bald in his temperamental characters, which are the ones I like most. Unfortunately he hasn't got any breakthroughs in his career yet, no big and memorable roles, no awards [I think], not many movies worth watching. So, I don't follow his work much.

Jason Statham

Hardcore man he is. For those who don't know this guy, get a life. That bod, that face, that accent, not to mention skills in martial arts, I can watch his movies anytime. I think I first caught him in Guy Ritchie's Snatch [FAVE!!], which didn't feature any of his skills much, just the voice and face. And then I saw him in 'The One' [fighting skills revealed!], 'Mean Machine', a Brit remake of 1974's 'The Longest Yard', so on and so forth. Do I go watch all his movies? Nay. He's got that 'stereotype syndrome' where nearly all his characters are as if they came from the same scarce pool of genes.

Michael Schofield
The main protagonist in the hit TV series, Prison Break. I followed up to the 3rd season but then got too busy not giving a damn. He was a breakthrough character, never have I seen one so cool and mysterious. But being too mysterious and emotional has it's toll, you lost me as a fan! I moved on, sorry. Now, everytime I see his face it feels like the whole world turns a bit gay-er.

Mark Tremonti
My rock hero!!! I love thee, hair or no hair. My severe admiration for this man pertains much to his skills and passion for his guitar. He's the founder/writer/lead guitarist for his current band Alter Bridge, ex of Creed. But beyond that, he truly is a hunk. That macho Italian face, well-trimmed goatee, ripped bod, physically everything on my list.

J. Loren Wince
My latest passion. Also in music, from the band HURT. He is their founder/writer/vocalist/guitarist/violinist and some other stringed instrument. Passionate and dark as well. This band truly fits my taste, I am currently at awe with this band and for the past few months. Their songs pull you in so deep, you'd rather suffocate to feel alive [that sounds suicidal]. But they're not emo, I kick emos of my streets. These guys are mature human beings, at least mature enough to be singing their stuff. Lyrics, sheer poetry and currently my main influence in songwriting.

Henry Cavill
Just some young actor who looks good in this photo. Acting skills aren't that good yet but I hope he gets better. With a face like that, it'd be a waste not to.

There should be more [most are martial artists] but they're lost in my sleepy head.

Later days...

Thursday, 7 May 2009

Say It Like It Is, MothaLuver!

Mother's Day is coming up and thanks to my being around people for a change it didn't escape me this time around, unlike other times. Frankly, I never really paid much attention to it [in those days] and no matter how much my mum kept saying that she doesn't feel appreciated during those days - because I pass the day like any other day - I just didn't feel the need. Yeah okay, you might think: Damn! Edd's an ungrateful piece of offspring! Well, I agree! I was how you say, a biatch? An inconsiderate, ignorant, selfish biatch to be exact. I still do retain some features but I'm trying my best to shed that old layer of skin. Love was nowhere to be found in that kid and now I just wanna hug everybody [aaahh...J. Loren to start with].

Anyway, back to the main subject of mums! I just read of a friend's blog where he wrote about his parents and how much he loves them and all those mushy stuff [hehe..kidding..very thoughtful of you]. And thus inspired me on this matter.

Thinking back on all the sacrifices they made just to raise the 5 of us, really makes me wanna knock the starch out of myself for being what I was. Of course, my mum would say we were good kids, behaved well in public, and never asked for much. Yeah I guess in those aspects we checked out, but in some others...tisk2, child abuse should've been legalized. I'm not saying we were all devils, no! Just 3 of us girls, all biatches of different kinds. But enough of my family history. What I'm trying to say is that I believe in how karma can sneak up behind and bite you in the ass, thus, I am damn afraid to have kids!

Of course, unlike my friend who wrote, "
If I could just be as good as my mum and dad in the future, I would be glad enough." I think in my case, I'd have to level up and beyond. Other than the fact that I might have to deal tenfold the pain my parents went through, I guess it's my way of 'becoming more than what my parents were' because I'm not doing so good in their field of strengths. Watch and learn basically. How I'm gonna do it? I have my plan, I just hope the outcome would be as good as, "MY MOM FRIGGIN ROCKS!!". Okay, now where's the husband?

Aaaahhh...I'm losing my point. I forgot what I was supposed to write about. Just finished my finals today, my overstimulated brain cells just can't wait to get my hands on Vader.

So basically, before this, Mother's Day, to me, was a day where mums could bitch out saying they deserve more. Well fook me for thinking so. They do deserve more! It takes more than maturity to comprehend such sincerity of being on duty for the rest of you life, it takes experience and no matter how much I say, I can never truly feel it until I pop out my own. Haha! Ruined the ending.

Anyway, YAY for mums all over the world...except those who ditch their babies like garbage.

Once again, apologies for the foul language but truth be told.

Later be thy days...