Liberica beans & Snail crackers

Dear God,

What is this feeling? I am obsessed and I cannot focus on my studies. I need to get rid of this feeling. Why is it so hard? It's just a feeling. It is just hormonal fluctuations. It is just my brain teasing my shallow perceptions and emotional desperation. My physical being is just one part of me while the other part is my soul, my life. God can take my soul even if my physical is in perfect condition. But He wouldn't make such an impressive anomaly out of me, I am not a perfect being. Not perfect in His sense, not ours.

What should I do to forget this feeling? No, not forget, but erase. I need to erase it. To forget is letting it be hidden from view until a reminder uncovers it. I don't want to be reminded of how I am brought down to my knees just because of this unexplainable feeling. There will be no end to it and because of this, I should stop pondering upon it. No matter how many gallons of coffee I drink, no matter how many tons of food I stuff myself with, as long as I do not reveal this feeling, it will come to nothing. But what of my prayers, my God? I have been praying. But not good enough I assume, not good enough. Too selfish a need, it has become an obsessive requirement.

If he is meant for me then I beg You to make him come to me even in my seclusion from society. I must remain on this path to You, I must remain on my mission for You. I will not forget my past and I will not let it haunt me, let it fuel me instead.

My 'Assassin's Creed' Essay for English Class

The Assassin Ancestors

            The Assassin’s Creed series is a chain of video games developed and published by Ubisoft. It is a sandbox style action-adventure-stealth video game released near the end of 2007. The first of the series, Assassin’s Creed, won many awards for ‘Best Game’ and ‘Best Graphics’ and at the same time instigated a solid fan base across the globe. After releasing four main series, 7 spin-off games, and another main series called Assassin’s Creed III coming soon in October, it seems that the wave is still going strong. Multiple numbers of graphic novels, fiction novels, and video shorts have been produced regarding the game’s storyline, further perpetuating the craze of enthusiasm. This essay will examine some of the factors that make this video game such a successful franchise including, the storyline, the gameplay, and the message behind the passion.

            The background story features a central character called Desmond Miles, who is a descendant of a long line of Assassins. He was brought up to become one of the Assassins and was required to undergo rigorous training routines since his childhood years. Unable to understand the purpose, he abandoned the life to search for a normal one. He was later kidnapped by Abstergo Industries which was run by the modern-day Knights Templar, the age-old arch nemesis of the Assassins. He was experimented upon by the Templars using a device called the Animus which enables Desmond to experience the memories of his Assassin ancestors. The first ancestor featured on the first series was the Syrian, Altaïr Ibn La’Ahad, a disgraced member of the Assassin’s Brotherhood trying to redeem himself in 1191 during the 3^rd Crusade in the Holy Land. Assassin’s Creed II featured an ancestor of Italian origins called Ezio Auditore da Firenze, a young assassin who had just discovered his assassin family roots during the late 15^th and early 16^th centuries of the Renaissance. The reason Abstergo was sending Desmond to experience these memories was to search for the missing artefacts called Pieces of Eden or The Apple, which holds within them great knowledge and consequent power to control humankind and change its fate. The rich background story was influenced by real people and events from different eras and geography but tweaked by the writers to be related to one another. They also incorporate into the game partial traces of general knowledge about the history of the world.

            The gameplay is a non-linear action adventure game played mainly through Desmond as he experiences the memory of his ancestors and is controlled as the third-person in an open world that is only limited by the assassin’s own experience. There will be a storyline to follow and goals to accomplish in order to move on in the development of the narrative but the speciality of this game is that the character has a wider level of interaction than most where the character may move around by ground or preferably by climbing onto the roofs to become more discreet as it concentrates on parkour and stealth movements. Other than the main assassination missions there will be side tasks of collecting certain items or records to unlock special weapons or features. The Assassin’s main weapon for his stealthy execution is the hidden blade which undergoes numerous upgrades throughout the game series. There are also features that allow the gamers to customize their own characters, choosing their own choice of weapon combinations for the best kill action and colour scheme of his attire.

The gaming experience of following in the footsteps of the enigmatic ancestors’ itself is enough to absorb the gamers’ attention and passion to commit but combined with the fascinating layers of storytelling, it shoots the imagination out into a world of its own. The story contains relatable subject matters to the real world which may provoke thoughts of rebelliousness against the real Templars of the real world. The back-story of the Pieces of Eden also contains a message about how the human race has continually degraded itself through greed in gathering resources on Earth and declaring wars over power struggles, self-inflicting the atmosphere of apocalypse upon ourselves. Through a personal experience after completing all four available main series, the passion for ‘the fight’ burns through and haunts the mind for days as it does have a ring of truth to it. As a fan of this franchise, the Assassin’s Creed motto of “Nothing is true, everything is permitted,” becomes a new personal goal to live by. “Nothing is true” means we live in a world full of lies and uncertainties whereby committing to any would lead us into a blinding doom. “Everything is permitted” means we should do anything that is necessary and not let anything bind us from accomplishing our rightful mission of guarding the sanctity of human souls.

As a conclusion, the Assassin’s Creed is more than just a video game requiring the execution of targets in bloodshed. The profound historic backgrounds it present relates to the Pieces of Eden that holds the fate of the future. The lesson to be taken here is that our future depends on our ability to learn from the past. It could be that the developers of this video game is trying to invoke and influence within its gamers to have a more open outlook at the state of the world than merely corresponding to plain and simple assassination missions. This gave birth to a large group of people who now secretly calls themselves Assassins and lives by the code of ‘serving the light in the dark’. The battle will continue in Assassin’s Creed III with the ancestor Connor Kenway, a half Mohawk, half British Assassin during the American Evolution.

Nazis AND Zombies ??!!

Ok, it has been postponed for too long.
The dream I mentioned on my last post haha! Honestly, it has been bugging me since the day I dreamt it (damn, 'dreamt' isn't a real word?), as in an inspiration for movies and...stuff.

I never got to play Call of Duty when I wanted to last year. Even though I can play it now since my bro borrowed an Xbox (YAAAAYY!), but I lost interest. Plus, I must heed the calling of my Creed (hint). So I never got to kill the Nazi zombies.

So the first position I remember myself being in in the dream was, hiding, trying to escape the Nazis, actual Nazis, arm salute and all. While all this was happening, I was with a few people I was familiar with in the dream but not in real life. You know the feeling. And one of them was also my boyfriend. That's right, a dream boyfriend, which was hilarious because I actually know this guy in real life, only not that well. I hardly ever talk to him. Plus I'm not keen on having one right now.

So we were trying to escape but they saw us and we ended up in a chase. See how illogical this is, I mean the Nazis have an arsenal of killing machines and the only thing we had that could be considered as a weapon was if we broke off our own arms, chewed the meat off and snap the edges of the bone so it'll be pointy enough to pierce human flesh plus the Nazis' leather. Anyway, they failed to catch us as we were somehow running at the speed of light sound (that's a song, mind you). We later hid in an abandoned wooden house -your standard 'umah kampong'- somewhere in the country (another song). Trying hard to keep quiet as we were all breathing hard from the chase.

When we finally settled down and were sure that the Nazis had lost our trails, we started to look for clues to where we actually were. Looking at papers and letters to find out who the house belonged to. As we wondered towards the back of the house, we started hearing moans and groans of an abnormal human nature from the floors. If I had the knowledge of zombie hunting, which I'm positive I do (Thank you Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg, and Nick Frost), I would immediately suspect ZOMBIES. Unfortunately, my dream brain failed to get a connection into my 'partially useless general knowledge archive' section of my brain. I have bad connections, what can I say. So we went and opened the locked basement door anyways. GREAT! And so the adventure continues and it was far more ridiculous than this that I don't think I could or should explain it all here.

There was a part which, I think, was inspired by a Harry Potter game I played 6 years ago. Goblins and jelly beans and such. Then I rode a...very tall car (???) with that dream boyfriend of mine. Then there were the graboids from Tremors. Oh but no vampires! Ahaa no Twilight for sure, but there should have been. I'd love to actual slay one. Bring back BLADE!!

Anyways, I have been trying to put a plot/story-line together based on this dream since it is very, very interesting. Tim Olyphant for the guy hero of course. Not as a boyfriend since I genetically cannot tolerate mushies (publicly, ahahaha!!). And I think this will be post-apocalypse type of concept, where everybody will be in survival mode (like The Road or Walking Dead, not like those 'a group of students went to an abandoned place and so on & so forth'). If anyone tries to take this story, go ahead! I believe it will be a challenge, just don't forget mention my name or put me in the movie instead haha. Capiche?


Later days zombies of the world!!

The Journey So Far...

Dear Brook,
        For the past 2 weeks, I had been busier than I had ever been in UKM. UiTM keeps you on your toes. Especially if you're in my course, Screen Creative Tech.. Frustrating? Nay! Tired? Definitely, but only now do I really feel like a student of the higher education, unlike 6 years earlier when I started out in UKM. I am starting to think that what I'm currently feeling now may confirm what my ex-Dean said to me in his office while discussing my black-list situation back then. I was too young and was not ready for  the higher education (not his words at all, I'm just summing it up).

         My brain, it was lagging, and my genetics left me no chance to stay afloat. We all have different ways of learning, different periods needed, and of course different talents embedded. 2 years ago I bought  Daniel Goleman's Bestseller, Emotional Intelligence and it mentioned about Howard Gardner, a professor of education from Harvard who discovered the theory of Multiple Intelligences back in 1989 (PLEASE do Wiki it). Amazingly, it was what I had been looking for all along. Do you know that feeling? It was like I was somehow connected to it, fate...takdir. According to the book 'The People Code', a part of my personality is always feeling like 'I am on a mission from God', which I am proud of and I would do so if He allows it. And I believe this because for me, it had been true since before I even read the book. I had always been looking for my purpose in life. I know it sounds cliche but so is the truth. The truth is we are only the humble servants of God and we should only serve to His words while living amongst His epic masterpiece.
     
         Now, other than my gut-feeling fated enlightenment after reading the finding, I also found my place and actually got myself here in UiTM. So far so good because I am still feeling the pulse of life and I am seeing good signs, insyAllah. So early on in starting this course, we were told we had to do an individual research, I was all 'FEMINISM! FEMINISM! FEMINISM!' in my head then. Until I bought 'Brain Rules', a month ago, which fatefully reminded me all about the by-then-forgotten theory of the Multiple Intelligences a week before we had to submit our research topic. So now my research title would be something like 'An Alternative Education System Based on the Theory of Multiple Intelligences'. I haven't a clue yet on where I should begin or how I should tackle the research. But I do feel that there is a ring of truth to the theory and that this is my path. I just have to keep my head straight and remember that this is my purpose.

p/s: i started the post wanting to write about a dream i had last night. see how easily i can lose my way? :P

later days...

The Journey Begins

Assalamualaikum...

          26 years.
          It took me 26 years to finally get on the right track. The transition is over. From here on forth, all my energy and knowledge shall be dedicated to my absolute goal. My dear God, Ya Allah, I live to serve You. I beg You not to make me lose my way this time. I realized that You have given me what I have always asked for, how blind I have been. How blinder could I still be? Is this Your comedy my dear Allah? I am a fool, for I am only Your servant.

          UiTM is now my current field for knowledge gathering. Allow me to be frank, I miss UKM. As cliche as it sounds, it will always be in my heart. It was a place that gave me a special lesson...directly and indirectly. One of them was to trust Him no matter what. UKM was where I found that something was missing inside, it gave me a reason to start searching for what I needed to find - or at that time, what I thought I lost, happiness.

         A never ending quest I suppose, that search for our purpose in life. Our sole purpose. I agree we should trust Him in giving us one when He pulled us out of the darkness in the first place. It's the beauty of this life He created. We are forever bound in this sacred pact of life, forever connected through the finest strings of molecular structure. I wish to preserve that. Now, I may or may not be where I should be, but I have reasons to believe that somehow, I am. And so I fear Your wrath, Dear Allah, forgive me if I ever overjoyed, ever too proud, for I am weak.

I got myself here, or was that You Allah? :) . And so lemons will not only be turned to lemonades but also lemon meringue pies, lemon tarts, lemony sponge cake with lemon flavoured butter cream filling.

Strength & Honour!