Sunday, 13 December 2009
I can't describe how much hate I have inside right now. I've grown aware of this state in me since 3 years ago. Some days I can set it aside and forgive everything. Some other days I just feel like killing everyone. An uncontrollable rage that I contain inside, cursing everthing from its existance. I know I won't kill, I know it's wrong, but I think some people just deserve to die. Erased from the surface of this decaying world.
I want to disappear
I'm losing my patience. I don't want to live like this anymore. It's pathetic. Everyday pretending to make a better day for tomorrow. I wish tomorrow would take me away. Far from this corrupted civilization. I hate the city. I hate crowds. 3 is a crowd. I can't function in the public eye. I want to be able to sit quietly, close my eyes, and hear the water streaming by, the birds chirping in the caressing trees. I hate the city. It disgusts me.
Rotten inside, I have nothing but maggots crawling around manipulating my limbs, my brain died from suffocating on the many ideas that clot my veins but never got materialised because I was too busy pretending. The meaning of life is on it's last strand as it escapes my clutch. My prairs turn stale as they leave my lips. I grow tire of this recurrent phase of eternal darkness. It is becoming my soulmate and I fear I may leave with it.
I wish for no later days