Today was the first day!
I'm still in training though but I've seen everything. I mean EVERYTHING! and that is all that's going to be said.
I applied for the pizza maker position, thinking they'd put me safely behind enemy's line and far away from the social scene. But NO! Not yet at least...I hope. Everybody has to experience everything so today, I was mainly the greeter who's also the one punching in the orders. I guess I was the only trainee who was able to pick it up quickly. Oh did I mention I was the only female working in the store today.
The first thing the manager (let's call him Mr.Man) told me when I stepped into the kitchen was:
1) The majority of the employees are men.
2) The only other girl (yes, singular) currently working for them isn't much like a girl. Seriously, I've seen her.
3) Like any other fast food restaurant, it's hectic & tiring. Please don't give up easily.
I quivered after every single line he said.
After Mr. Man showed us around the store he gave us our first task: Memorize all the pizzas in 5minutes. Now, as much as I love Domino's pizzas I did not know all 16 of them. Now I do. After that we kinda loitered around in the corners of the tiny store because he was busy pizza making.
Then I kinda made my way to my future prospect, the pizza making table (I forgot what they called it) to observe. You know what it reminded me of? Those free online time management games. Seriously! There's a time limit too! No joke. I don't know when I'll be thrown into all that mess yet. Kinda nervous about it since I suck at that game. I half wished they'd just put me in the front line but NO! You'll never know unless you try. Oh wait...Do or do not, there is no try!
The good thing is all the 'senior' guys are quite friendly and the environment is cheerful although a bit loud. I could hardly hear the customer's numbers and orders. Asking a customer to repeat anything they say kinda annoys them. I know, I was a bad listener in clinic and my horrible short term memory was no help.
Hopefully things will be okay in the future. I have never been in this kinda business before and I really wanna make it work despite Mr.Man's friendly reminder that 2 female employees had recently left after only a few days of work. Yes, there are easier jobs with less human contact but I'd want to value experience as much as I value money.
And a bigger hope is that I can get into UiTM. Please Allah, please. I don't want to be useless anymore.
Later days...
15 March 2011
25 February 2011
Self Analysis part III...I think
Haaaa...where am I?
Everytime I write a self analysis on this blog it's usually after the recovery of a big fall. It's quite pathetic because for the previous two posts [2 years ago??] it's like I've achieved a major breakthrough and although I did mention a prediction of another fallout [which did happen], I thought I was capable of handling it. Well I don't know what to make of the outcome really, because I'm trying not to see terminating my dental studies as a failure but rather, moving on to be a better person. Yes, it is quite a cheat, shut up. And that's that.
I am getting more and more frustrated with the state of my mind. I don't have a stable personality and not having control over one self is making me feel rather sick. I know who I am [existentially] and my goals. I recognize my phases and moods but I can't control the length of time that they conquer me. When I'm angry I long not to be because it hurts other people when I am. When I'm happy I also feel guilt and long to depress because it squeezes out the creative juices in me, with a little anger and hatred I am driven. I just need to stay away from self pity which is quite hard with my low self esteem. Anger is easy to come since I'm a hot head egomaniac.
But within all this overflowing, dysfunctional, emotional personality instability, my thoughts from any random thing to the current views will be raging like fireworks. And these thoughts shifts so much from one emotion to another that I forget them and miss them. I can only remember bits and pieces and not the whole idea, no matter how brilliant. Why not right them down? malas. The funny thing is when I shift in emotion and subsequently in thoughts, the previous thoughts of the previous emotions just seem so ridiculous and alien and sometimes magnificent.
But that's just it, I only process thoughts. They do not proceed down the conveyor belt to the fabrication room and be transformed into action. They are dust in the wind. I need to do something with my hands.
But here's the catch, I'm a procrastinator.
..last night I dreamnt of being married twice. The first disappeared and the current was tiny. ???
Everytime I write a self analysis on this blog it's usually after the recovery of a big fall. It's quite pathetic because for the previous two posts [2 years ago??] it's like I've achieved a major breakthrough and although I did mention a prediction of another fallout [which did happen], I thought I was capable of handling it. Well I don't know what to make of the outcome really, because I'm trying not to see terminating my dental studies as a failure but rather, moving on to be a better person. Yes, it is quite a cheat, shut up. And that's that.
I am getting more and more frustrated with the state of my mind. I don't have a stable personality and not having control over one self is making me feel rather sick. I know who I am [existentially] and my goals. I recognize my phases and moods but I can't control the length of time that they conquer me. When I'm angry I long not to be because it hurts other people when I am. When I'm happy I also feel guilt and long to depress because it squeezes out the creative juices in me, with a little anger and hatred I am driven. I just need to stay away from self pity which is quite hard with my low self esteem. Anger is easy to come since I'm a hot head egomaniac.
But within all this overflowing, dysfunctional, emotional personality instability, my thoughts from any random thing to the current views will be raging like fireworks. And these thoughts shifts so much from one emotion to another that I forget them and miss them. I can only remember bits and pieces and not the whole idea, no matter how brilliant. Why not right them down? malas. The funny thing is when I shift in emotion and subsequently in thoughts, the previous thoughts of the previous emotions just seem so ridiculous and alien and sometimes magnificent.
But that's just it, I only process thoughts. They do not proceed down the conveyor belt to the fabrication room and be transformed into action. They are dust in the wind. I need to do something with my hands.
But here's the catch, I'm a procrastinator.
..last night I dreamnt of being married twice. The first disappeared and the current was tiny. ???
11 February 2011
:(
The 2nd worst feeling in the world is losing control over yourself.
The 1st is seeing how it affects your loved ones.
Edd, of all the things you always forget; never this. REMEMBER THIS!
The 1st is seeing how it affects your loved ones.
Edd, of all the things you always forget; never this. REMEMBER THIS!
10 February 2011
Nil
He watches and He hears
He knows all my tears...
I am at a crossroad and there are no road signs. I can tell north from east but I don't know what's beyond this junction. Maybe another crossroad, a free gun, or even a snake pit, I don't know.
Life is a test and right know it's in the form of an MCQ (multiple choice question). Actually I don't know if it's in any other form. Essays? I guess. I mean the details do count. Maybe it's an MCQ followed by a series of essays. Ugh! How about 10 MCQs andan a short essay? In half an hour and mihun with teh tarik outside the hall. Hahaha nice!
My 25th year of life on this silly planet is coming to an end and I still haven't accomplished anything. I can't even figure myself out yet.
I am just full of lies, people. And I cannot seem to sort myself out of this one. Apologies.
He knows all my tears...
I am at a crossroad and there are no road signs. I can tell north from east but I don't know what's beyond this junction. Maybe another crossroad, a free gun, or even a snake pit, I don't know.
Life is a test and right know it's in the form of an MCQ (multiple choice question). Actually I don't know if it's in any other form. Essays? I guess. I mean the details do count. Maybe it's an MCQ followed by a series of essays. Ugh! How about 10 MCQs and
My 25th year of life on this silly planet is coming to an end and I still haven't accomplished anything. I can't even figure myself out yet.
I am just full of lies, people. And I cannot seem to sort myself out of this one. Apologies.
27 January 2011
of Gary Oldman and face shredding...
I couldn't quite make sure if it was the moon or the sun peeping through the faint clouds. It was either sunset or dawn; the best things in life always do come in little packages. These lights are the shortest of any other kind. I arrived alone to the convention but I had too many luggage to be carried by one, although this goes by unnoticed. It was held at my old school's building. But it was no longer a school, I could tell. On the other side of it where there used to be an open field, there was a bridge-like extension into a futuristic-looking sports arena floating in the sky. This looked beautiful in the orange-blue lit atmosphere.
People were gathering and unpacking. I arrived at my floor - top floor - but there seemed to be no more rooms available. And so I lodged my bags at the corridor, along the side beams, in front of a room occupied by a big family. I wasn't the only one 'roomless' so nobody really minded us perching in their doorway. After dropping the heavy load, I took a big sigh of relief and turned towards the sky. It was beautiful. It was then that I heard his voice.
Everybody around was settling down and unpacking their luggage. This sunset/dawn lighting was lasting longer than it usually would in real life. But I didn't mind. The air was cool. We were at the end of the corridor. His room was the last one, it was next to the room occupied by the couple with 6 kids. 4 big ones, 1 tween and 1 in their mother's arms.
"Hey there," he said first.
"Hi." I replied, "Gary Oldman." He laughed and we continued to exchange awkward small talk.
He too was by himself but he was somewhat the Jim Gordon character in Chris Nolan's Batman and so his room was full of security equipments and confidential folders. Why would he join such a convention? I had no idea since I myself had no idea what was going on. We talked and talked and when dinner was served at the cafeteria, we had dinner together. Later that evening he was on duty and had to make his rounds on the top floor. I tagged along. We talked about the people staying in every room we passed. Gary Oldman read up on everybody's backgrounds to filter them from any threat.
The light was still of sunset/dawn setting. It was timeless. Or it could have been that we slept through a day and I dreamnt past it to another sunset/dawn. We had to go to the arena now. 'We' meaning everyone. The 'games' were starting. I was alone again, Gary Oldman was nowhere to be seen. I joined the crowd at the arena for a while but later had the urge to go back to the lodgings. Crossing the extension bridge, the roar of the masses could be heard. I didn't bother turning around for I was fixed on my target. I was carrying a hot dog in one hand.
The rooms were empty and still. I sat on my bags in front of the dark room and nibbled at my hot dog. I waited.
Blackout.
The next thing I remember, I was standing behind a wild crowd a few feet away from where I just sat with my hot dog. It was no longer sunset/dawn, it was now daylight. Most of the women were gasping and wailing. The men were at the front and they were pale, dead inside. Up front I could hear Gary Oldman trying to keep some order. He was joined by a few other policemen. I didn't bother pulling through the crowd to see what all the fuss was about. I waited until they dispersed, until they went back to their rooms to mourn, to get sick of the horror and throw up.
It was then that I saw the bloody hand print on the door. The door of that room. That room which I sat across before I couldn't remember, where my bags were. But I was calm. And Gary Oldman saw this. His eyes locked on to me and mine on his. I walked on further, getting nearer to my bags and closer to the room. I looked inside and saw them lying in their beds, soaked in pools of blood. The 4 big kids, their faces were torn off. They were dead of course, I thought. I glanced over to my left and Gary Oldman was still staring at me, studying my reactions but at the same time I sensed that he was fearful. I went to him and gave him a hug. He was struggling with words. I simply said, "It's okay. Look behind you."
There was a trail of blood on the wall at the end of the corridor, next to his room. He turned around. Ordered his men to survey the parameters. Beyond the wall was quite a long way down. One of the policemen suggested the trees as the murderer's escape route. They got busy. I walked away. To the floor below.
The parents were wailing for the lives of their 4 big ones. They were crying so hard until it was as if their eyeballs had shrunken beneath their swelled up eyelids. Their whole faces were red and wet with tears and mucus. Their sanity was being shredded to pieces and they just couldn't understand, there was no reasoning. They were devastated, and everyone else were too. Their throats were clogged with all the words they had to say but they lost their voices and all they could have done was vomit. Vomit for the dead.
I went to the ground floor to search for plastic bags, I had to leave. There were food all around. I didn't remember this being the cafeteria. From pastas to pizza, noodles and pastries. I ate what I can as I searched for plastic bags. I needed plastic bags for my worn clothes. I had to hurry. I didn't feel as calm as before, I was starting to panic when I couldn't find any plastic bags for my laundry. Then I thought, maybe I could just gather all the worn clothes in one bag and clean clothes in another. Then I remembered, my bags were many and they were all in front of that room. Sacrifice them, like you sacrificed them.
Just leave. Goodbye Gary Oldman.
People were gathering and unpacking. I arrived at my floor - top floor - but there seemed to be no more rooms available. And so I lodged my bags at the corridor, along the side beams, in front of a room occupied by a big family. I wasn't the only one 'roomless' so nobody really minded us perching in their doorway. After dropping the heavy load, I took a big sigh of relief and turned towards the sky. It was beautiful. It was then that I heard his voice.
Everybody around was settling down and unpacking their luggage. This sunset/dawn lighting was lasting longer than it usually would in real life. But I didn't mind. The air was cool. We were at the end of the corridor. His room was the last one, it was next to the room occupied by the couple with 6 kids. 4 big ones, 1 tween and 1 in their mother's arms.
"Hey there," he said first.
"Hi." I replied, "Gary Oldman." He laughed and we continued to exchange awkward small talk.
He too was by himself but he was somewhat the Jim Gordon character in Chris Nolan's Batman and so his room was full of security equipments and confidential folders. Why would he join such a convention? I had no idea since I myself had no idea what was going on. We talked and talked and when dinner was served at the cafeteria, we had dinner together. Later that evening he was on duty and had to make his rounds on the top floor. I tagged along. We talked about the people staying in every room we passed. Gary Oldman read up on everybody's backgrounds to filter them from any threat.
The light was still of sunset/dawn setting. It was timeless. Or it could have been that we slept through a day and I dreamnt past it to another sunset/dawn. We had to go to the arena now. 'We' meaning everyone. The 'games' were starting. I was alone again, Gary Oldman was nowhere to be seen. I joined the crowd at the arena for a while but later had the urge to go back to the lodgings. Crossing the extension bridge, the roar of the masses could be heard. I didn't bother turning around for I was fixed on my target. I was carrying a hot dog in one hand.
The rooms were empty and still. I sat on my bags in front of the dark room and nibbled at my hot dog. I waited.
Blackout.
The next thing I remember, I was standing behind a wild crowd a few feet away from where I just sat with my hot dog. It was no longer sunset/dawn, it was now daylight. Most of the women were gasping and wailing. The men were at the front and they were pale, dead inside. Up front I could hear Gary Oldman trying to keep some order. He was joined by a few other policemen. I didn't bother pulling through the crowd to see what all the fuss was about. I waited until they dispersed, until they went back to their rooms to mourn, to get sick of the horror and throw up.
It was then that I saw the bloody hand print on the door. The door of that room. That room which I sat across before I couldn't remember, where my bags were. But I was calm. And Gary Oldman saw this. His eyes locked on to me and mine on his. I walked on further, getting nearer to my bags and closer to the room. I looked inside and saw them lying in their beds, soaked in pools of blood. The 4 big kids, their faces were torn off. They were dead of course, I thought. I glanced over to my left and Gary Oldman was still staring at me, studying my reactions but at the same time I sensed that he was fearful. I went to him and gave him a hug. He was struggling with words. I simply said, "It's okay. Look behind you."
There was a trail of blood on the wall at the end of the corridor, next to his room. He turned around. Ordered his men to survey the parameters. Beyond the wall was quite a long way down. One of the policemen suggested the trees as the murderer's escape route. They got busy. I walked away. To the floor below.
The parents were wailing for the lives of their 4 big ones. They were crying so hard until it was as if their eyeballs had shrunken beneath their swelled up eyelids. Their whole faces were red and wet with tears and mucus. Their sanity was being shredded to pieces and they just couldn't understand, there was no reasoning. They were devastated, and everyone else were too. Their throats were clogged with all the words they had to say but they lost their voices and all they could have done was vomit. Vomit for the dead.
I went to the ground floor to search for plastic bags, I had to leave. There were food all around. I didn't remember this being the cafeteria. From pastas to pizza, noodles and pastries. I ate what I can as I searched for plastic bags. I needed plastic bags for my worn clothes. I had to hurry. I didn't feel as calm as before, I was starting to panic when I couldn't find any plastic bags for my laundry. Then I thought, maybe I could just gather all the worn clothes in one bag and clean clothes in another. Then I remembered, my bags were many and they were all in front of that room. Sacrifice them, like you sacrificed them.
Just leave. Goodbye Gary Oldman.
22 January 2011
Emo Edd and her Hate Paint
Today my clinic partner Ann asked me to make a list my weaknesses. I know, pretty frontal. But she was trying to make conversation with me so that I won't doze off like last time. It was a boring clinic. Digging for calculus is a boring job. And assisting a calculus digger is ten times the bore.
I only gave off a few. It's like being asked what your favourite song or movies are. You know them at some point but you go blank when asked...point blanc. But unlike fave songs or movies where you can always try to remember what you typed in your many social net profiles, weaknesses are features we tend to hide and deny. Reading this you might think, "No, I don't"...yeah.
Well, my list of weaknesses is quite...very long. Noticing them was one thing, admitting them is another. One main trait is that I have a big fat ego. [I just typed 'ego' in capitals but rewrote them in small - trying not to prove a point] I noticed this problem 5 years ago during my 2nd year 'here' [crap, I'm still 'here']. And although I noticed it I didn't know how to deal with it. I used to think that studying dentistry was one of the cause and that I needed to force myself into manual labor to understand the effort needed to deserve a living but that was just a premature speculation based on non other than the monthly emo-hormonal fluctuation which at that time was pretty much nearly everyday of the 2nd semester [dare you to say that sentence in one breath].
So it was left to grow and grow and now I'm kinda fearful in facing it head on. Its like it has a life of it's own and if I try to banish it from my pinky hemispheres it would squirt out a self defense mechanism which in my case would be an autoimmune mechanism. And then I would lose all my other features, good or bad. I will transform into a zombie and join the world of the undead as a brainless mass of meat-suit where it's sole purpose of wonderment is to devour fresh, juicy brains of the living. I'd rather be a vamp [of the Underworld type, not Twilight nor Trueblood].
I am not sure where this trait comes from. A theory suggests genetics but that is only through personal observation only. Another theory would be the exponential rise during my academical peaking in college matriculation thus leading to my placement in the dental world. It could be both, resulting in a cumulative result. Wahai si bongkak.
Second biggest weakness, I brag about myself. Even be bold enough to reveal my weaknesses, an attempt to appear fearless and cool. Need I elaborate more? Actually I think this should be number 1.b) since I have my own blog.
Third, the hatred that feeds my soul. I see it as both a curse and a blessing. Not many people can cultivate hate and use it as a source of inspiration. Well, negative inspiration of course but one inspiration does lead to another and from all that fire, a phoenix will rise. And my phoenix is gonna kill you black listers.
[I have to cut this short for I am sleep deprived]
Last night I unloaded a heavy burden and after a long time, I can write again. Although I have lost all my readers and this post might not be read by anybody at all, ever, I feel like I did when I first started this blog. Hopeful. InsyAllah.
Later days.
I only gave off a few. It's like being asked what your favourite song or movies are. You know them at some point but you go blank when asked...point blanc. But unlike fave songs or movies where you can always try to remember what you typed in your many social net profiles, weaknesses are features we tend to hide and deny. Reading this you might think, "No, I don't"...yeah.
Well, my list of weaknesses is quite...very long. Noticing them was one thing, admitting them is another. One main trait is that I have a big fat ego. [I just typed 'ego' in capitals but rewrote them in small - trying not to prove a point] I noticed this problem 5 years ago during my 2nd year 'here' [crap, I'm still 'here']. And although I noticed it I didn't know how to deal with it. I used to think that studying dentistry was one of the cause and that I needed to force myself into manual labor to understand the effort needed to deserve a living but that was just a premature speculation based on non other than the monthly emo-hormonal fluctuation which at that time was pretty much nearly everyday of the 2nd semester [dare you to say that sentence in one breath].
So it was left to grow and grow and now I'm kinda fearful in facing it head on. Its like it has a life of it's own and if I try to banish it from my pinky hemispheres it would squirt out a self defense mechanism which in my case would be an autoimmune mechanism. And then I would lose all my other features, good or bad. I will transform into a zombie and join the world of the undead as a brainless mass of meat-suit where it's sole purpose of wonderment is to devour fresh, juicy brains of the living. I'd rather be a vamp [of the Underworld type, not Twilight nor Trueblood].
I am not sure where this trait comes from. A theory suggests genetics but that is only through personal observation only. Another theory would be the exponential rise during my academical peaking in college matriculation thus leading to my placement in the dental world. It could be both, resulting in a cumulative result. Wahai si bongkak.
Second biggest weakness, I brag about myself. Even be bold enough to reveal my weaknesses, an attempt to appear fearless and cool. Need I elaborate more? Actually I think this should be number 1.b) since I have my own blog.
Third, the hatred that feeds my soul. I see it as both a curse and a blessing. Not many people can cultivate hate and use it as a source of inspiration. Well, negative inspiration of course but one inspiration does lead to another and from all that fire, a phoenix will rise. And my phoenix is gonna kill you black listers.
[I have to cut this short for I am sleep deprived]
Last night I unloaded a heavy burden and after a long time, I can write again. Although I have lost all my readers and this post might not be read by anybody at all, ever, I feel like I did when I first started this blog. Hopeful. InsyAllah.
Later days.
28 December 2010
today
today, i shall deprive myself of the following:
food
beverage
sleep
human contact
light
large scale motion
food
beverage
sleep
human contact
light
large scale motion
08 December 2010
Here It Goes Again
This is it. I don't think I should go on. It's fate that these dates were to intercept each other. And I was to choose one that was of more superiority to me.
I spent 5 years here. 5 years. Academically I'm practically nowhere. But I know I've gained a few pounds of knowledge and skills. Leveled up a few steps higher. Acquired tremendous amount of friends, or at least connections. But I must admit that some non-physical part of me have been spared from any accountable growth. Obviously it won't as long as I stay here. It's like waiting for a wisdom tooth to erupt in a 30 year old man.
But I can't just walk away either. I have a large sum of debt to clear now. With that in my mind, I also don't think I should make it as a dentist. There's a 3 year course degree in Screen Creative Technology in UiTM. Very tempting...job prospects were rated 4.4/5. But I won't really know what that means. This is for the dream.
My dad thought I wanted that dream so that I would become popular. He doesn't understand. I am not after the limelight. I want to be able to show people, tell them a story. Make them feel. Move them. I don't want to become apart of what everybody sees right now. I will create my own field. It's going to be a struggle but I'd rather do that.
But then again we'd say anything when we're desperate and I have lost the trust in myself. I do not trust my own instincts. I do not trust myself to make the right decision anymore because I do not trust myself in telling the right from wrong. I don't have the ability to remember how such emotions can deeply wound me or the people around me. And so I can't trust myself to never repeat the same mistakes again because I have. And I cut deeper everytime.
"1 1/2 years more," they'd remind me, "not far to go," they'd add.
I can't be a dentist.
I'll pray to Allah that these feelings would go away but the idea is already in place and it would take a brain transplant to make me forget.
I'm sorry...
I spent 5 years here. 5 years. Academically I'm practically nowhere. But I know I've gained a few pounds of knowledge and skills. Leveled up a few steps higher. Acquired tremendous amount of friends, or at least connections. But I must admit that some non-physical part of me have been spared from any accountable growth. Obviously it won't as long as I stay here. It's like waiting for a wisdom tooth to erupt in a 30 year old man.
But I can't just walk away either. I have a large sum of debt to clear now. With that in my mind, I also don't think I should make it as a dentist. There's a 3 year course degree in Screen Creative Technology in UiTM. Very tempting...job prospects were rated 4.4/5. But I won't really know what that means. This is for the dream.
My dad thought I wanted that dream so that I would become popular. He doesn't understand. I am not after the limelight. I want to be able to show people, tell them a story. Make them feel. Move them. I don't want to become apart of what everybody sees right now. I will create my own field. It's going to be a struggle but I'd rather do that.
But then again we'd say anything when we're desperate and I have lost the trust in myself. I do not trust my own instincts. I do not trust myself to make the right decision anymore because I do not trust myself in telling the right from wrong. I don't have the ability to remember how such emotions can deeply wound me or the people around me. And so I can't trust myself to never repeat the same mistakes again because I have. And I cut deeper everytime.
"1 1/2 years more," they'd remind me, "not far to go," they'd add.
I can't be a dentist.
I'll pray to Allah that these feelings would go away but the idea is already in place and it would take a brain transplant to make me forget.
I'm sorry...
27 November 2010
Gigi Alia
first short movie...
don't get the joke? don't bother..
the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeiKyKdNJxM
26 November 2010
Jolt
I suddenly felt the need to write this down. I am overwhelmed by the feeling of needing to wake up. Is it a coincidence that I am now 'locking' myself up in my room, my bunker to complete my video project? - An assignment related to a passion of mine. And that at the same time watched Inception for the 1st time? A movie I have so long tried to avoid knowing it will haunt me for days. I am overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed.
The need to make a movie as inspiring...the characters, the music...
[but to be honest, the gravity of the whole situation wasn't that critical. It wasn't the end of the world :P ]
The need to wake up from my own mind, my bunker and what it would mean to actually wake up. What from? To where?
The need to...well thats it really... Buzz KILL..
I wonder what would've happened if I didn't watch the movie in the first place. Would I still be pondering about the need to wake up and out of this mess? Of course I would. I just wouldn't feel the desperate need to go bungee jumping for a 'kick'.
there's a quiz in an hour and I need a bath..
The need to make a movie as inspiring...the characters, the music...
[but to be honest, the gravity of the whole situation wasn't that critical. It wasn't the end of the world :P ]
The need to wake up from my own mind, my bunker and what it would mean to actually wake up. What from? To where?
The need to...well thats it really... Buzz KILL..
I wonder what would've happened if I didn't watch the movie in the first place. Would I still be pondering about the need to wake up and out of this mess? Of course I would. I just wouldn't feel the desperate need to go bungee jumping for a 'kick'.
there's a quiz in an hour and I need a bath..
28 September 2010
The Abusive Husband
When did life become so fucking complicated? Maybe it's always been complicated but we were brought up thinking - "It's all gonna be okay, just look on the final pages for answers" - so that when we actually faced complexities, we freak out and need a diaper change.
Why didn't I see it coming?
"Edd, you're gonna be a loser, watch out."
okay, maybe I should be a doctor, that'll get me out of the loser list.
"I guess"
A dentist perhaps? at least that won't be as hard. I'm smart enough right?
"Yaa ehmm *plays Gameboy"
WTH was my conscience playing that stupid aged old game at that time!
And look where you are now...I don't mind tripping here and there but this is just too ridiculous. You people just don't get it! and neither can I! and when that happens every single issue becomes a catastrophe. and you begin to lose yourself, you bounce in and out of the wave not knowing which side is up or down. trapped within the wave, trapped within yourself. you're stuck. you lose faith in everybody, you lose faith in yourself. you can't even carry yourself out of the mess you made. you look around you and how they're alive. you look at yourself and you feel guilty to be breathing in a place meant for another. i'm sorry i stole your place. i am sorry i wasted the government's money. i am sorry for wasting so many paper, so many time, so many words and breath. was it not meant for me? i tried to fit in, i tried to feel it. its just voids outlined by hate. why can't i feel anything.
denied.
Why didn't I see it coming?
"Edd, you're gonna be a loser, watch out."
okay, maybe I should be a doctor, that'll get me out of the loser list.
"I guess"
A dentist perhaps? at least that won't be as hard. I'm smart enough right?
"Yaa ehmm *plays Gameboy"
WTH was my conscience playing that stupid aged old game at that time!
And look where you are now...I don't mind tripping here and there but this is just too ridiculous. You people just don't get it! and neither can I! and when that happens every single issue becomes a catastrophe. and you begin to lose yourself, you bounce in and out of the wave not knowing which side is up or down. trapped within the wave, trapped within yourself. you're stuck. you lose faith in everybody, you lose faith in yourself. you can't even carry yourself out of the mess you made. you look around you and how they're alive. you look at yourself and you feel guilty to be breathing in a place meant for another. i'm sorry i stole your place. i am sorry i wasted the government's money. i am sorry for wasting so many paper, so many time, so many words and breath. was it not meant for me? i tried to fit in, i tried to feel it. its just voids outlined by hate. why can't i feel anything.
denied.
06 July 2010
post 100#
It's 6th July its my mom and nephew's birthday today...
Funny thing was, I forgot until it was Maghrib as I sat down in front of my facebook account. By then my mom's page was already full of birthday wishes by everyone! except me. So I eagerly waited for her to finish her prayers n went to hug her at the same time wishing her. Hopefully that would do today. I don't know what to give her. I should buy/make something though because I kinda gave her a horrible year [punches self]... And because my big bro gave her a friggin' GOLD CHAIN!! That surely heats up the sibling rivalry.
<<< Two years ago on Nazrin Firdaus' birth day
<<< Two years ago on Nazrin Firdaus' birth day
Earlier today I shot the 3rd installment for my to-be series, 'Myselves', which is still in its experimental stages. I'm still developing each of the character's personalities and behaviour. It's quite challenging since I'm playing all 4 characters and mind you, acting isn't as easy as it seems [new found respect]. I'm also learning to better myself in editing techniques, trying to gain little by little from every experience. The four characters are based on my main four alter egos. No wait...three, because the 'real me' is one of them. I was planning to bring in my fourth but it would be too 'serabut', chaotic...
post shooting
I hope I wake up early tomorrow. I need to go to KL to register for a college room. Hopefully I get a singles room. So I'd get to do Myselves videos while I'm at college! and maybe put in some dental student life related stuff. Then maybe my fouth ego would get an appearance as she is into that kind of stuff. Oh Edwina the Great. But like all heroes and villains, each characters have their own weaknesses...my weaknesses. BUT I'm not that confident on getting a singles room, since its already Tuesday and class starts on next Monday. 
I've been watching a lot of old British comedy lately. Truly missed.
From top left, clockwise: Blackadder, Bottom, Spaced [epic], Big Train sketches. I'm looking for more.
It's research!
And I finally got a chance to watch 'Sons of Anarchy' on Astro's FXHD [did anybody know about this channel...dri mne dtg ntah]. It's about outlaw biker gang stuff, I'm kinda into it since I played GTA4's The Lost and Damned. I read about it a month ago while looking up Justified. Nearly freaked out finding it on Astro yesterday.
Fun times being on a long undeserving holiday but everything has an ending and I have 5 more days until class starts. Back to 'fun & learning'.
01 July 2010
The Third
The charm, they say. But miss then strike out, they say. I say I don't believe in any of that. I say luck is an illusion of a blinded optimist and fate is the script of a realist. Opportunists are scavengers of this virtual world and I am somewhat a series of empty canvases.
It's hard to believe anything you read or hear or watch today. As long as you are breathing you are vulnerable to lies. Trust can only go to a certain extent until it too may falter.
We can only rely on a few true sources. But when that too becomes the target of corruption then it gives a reason for humanity to fail. A reason for the world to end. Theories upon theories are built up, piled onto each other, just so they would erase the fear of judgment day by scheming an escape. Nonsensical optimists...
The day will come.
What I say isn't always what I believe. I don't really say what I really do, but it can be obvious if you see. I'd like to be more assured than I am though. But like I said, I am somewhat a series of empty canvases. They are painted over and over again. Just because the combination of colours seem to portray a picture, it doesn't necessarily have a meaning. In other words, they are still empty. So they will continually be painted upon until they have at least a few. These series of canvases.
I do not predict my fate but I am no optimist.
It's hard to believe anything you read or hear or watch today. As long as you are breathing you are vulnerable to lies. Trust can only go to a certain extent until it too may falter.
We can only rely on a few true sources. But when that too becomes the target of corruption then it gives a reason for humanity to fail. A reason for the world to end. Theories upon theories are built up, piled onto each other, just so they would erase the fear of judgment day by scheming an escape. Nonsensical optimists...
The day will come.
What I say isn't always what I believe. I don't really say what I really do, but it can be obvious if you see. I'd like to be more assured than I am though. But like I said, I am somewhat a series of empty canvases. They are painted over and over again. Just because the combination of colours seem to portray a picture, it doesn't necessarily have a meaning. In other words, they are still empty. So they will continually be painted upon until they have at least a few. These series of canvases.
I do not predict my fate but I am no optimist.
29 June 2010
Leaving Shadows Behind
I guess that is whats really been the main theme of my soul searching process. How I am gonna make a mark on this earth before my time comes, a mark more significant than a tombstone above my rotting flesh [InsyAllah, as a proper burial would be good enough].
Lightyears
[14/06/10]
I realise I never really think of the present as for what they are. I know I should and I often say to others that they should but I know I don't. I say a lot of things to others that I clearly know will come back and bite me in the back. I know it sounds like I'm a hypocrit, I guess I am but I say them anyway to make myself realise. And most of the time I state this fact to them. Other times I just bid them off to cry alone in the dark, lol.
Anyway, to take another step out of de'Nile, I will say this. I am stuck in the past. Past happiness, past achievements, past memories. I am dead afraid of the future. I know what I want but I don't know how to get there. I want to plan but I'm afraid to. Because if I do...there's just too much fear of the unknown.
CRAP, I don't know where I got this from. Planning was great in high school. I got here in dental school by planning and by sticking to that plan. Maybe because I became so unhappy here that it pasted a negative sticker onto that type of action. "Avoid in future thinking processes"...slap it on that planning button.
How would you like to leave your mark on this earth? Tell me...whoever's reading. Because I KNOW everybody share at least this thought if not all the above.
Puppy Cloud
[13/06/10]
I do believe we were brought to life for a purpose and we may not know what that is yet [some may never] so in the meanwhile, what harm is it to dream?
Lightyears[14/06/10]
I realise I never really think of the present as for what they are. I know I should and I often say to others that they should but I know I don't. I say a lot of things to others that I clearly know will come back and bite me in the back. I know it sounds like I'm a hypocrit, I guess I am but I say them anyway to make myself realise. And most of the time I state this fact to them. Other times I just bid them off to cry alone in the dark, lol.
Anyway, to take another step out of de'Nile, I will say this. I am stuck in the past. Past happiness, past achievements, past memories. I am dead afraid of the future. I know what I want but I don't know how to get there. I want to plan but I'm afraid to. Because if I do...there's just too much fear of the unknown.
CRAP, I don't know where I got this from. Planning was great in high school. I got here in dental school by planning and by sticking to that plan. Maybe because I became so unhappy here that it pasted a negative sticker onto that type of action. "Avoid in future thinking processes"...slap it on that planning button.
How would you like to leave your mark on this earth? Tell me...whoever's reading. Because I KNOW everybody share at least this thought if not all the above.
Puppy Cloud[13/06/10]
05 June 2010
Picnic Day
On 19-20/02/10, the family's Geng anak dara [1st & 2nd Class] and the boys went shopping, maggi chomping, sushi rolling, pancake frying, picnic eating, playing2, swimming2 at Bukit Jalil.
24 May 2010
Sepak Terajang Sama Mereka
First Malay title.
But yes, the rest will be in English...kot...ok not
Improvised and exaggerated version of today's discussion:
Parents: You're too rigid. You have to be more flexible and humane.
Me: Yelah yelah...I know. And I know my ego is up here [hand above head].
Parents: Ye ke?
Me: Yelah yelah...nun di sana [points towards the sky] celestial egoism. Astronomically speaking.
So marilah sama2 bantu saya sepak terajang sama setan2 dalam hamba Allah yg lemah ini.
InsyAllah saya boleh jadi insan molek skit. Xdela emo sokmo.
Time kasih.
But yes, the rest will be in English...kot...ok not
Improvised and exaggerated version of today's discussion:
Parents: You're too rigid. You have to be more flexible and humane.
Me: Yelah yelah...I know. And I know my ego is up here [hand above head].
Parents: Ye ke?
Me: Yelah yelah...nun di sana [points towards the sky] celestial egoism. Astronomically speaking.
So marilah sama2 bantu saya sepak terajang sama setan2 dalam hamba Allah yg lemah ini.
InsyAllah saya boleh jadi insan molek skit. Xdela emo sokmo.
Time kasih.
30 April 2010
I Hear Crickets...
It's bugging me, grating me, and twisting me around!
Yeah I'm endlessly, caving in, and turning inside out!
[guess where that's from]
I'd like to dedicate that to the darling little crickets who with sheer joy play their tune relentlessly through the night. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, SMACK!! Flame! Sweep! Shoo.
Now, one problem solved, a million to go [grr..]
How will I ever get enough sleep?
I close my eyes and I keep seeing my scenes of vengeance.
Fueled by all that hatred of course.
And truth be told, I'm not ready to get rid of it.
Maybe that's why the demons can affect me.
I so willingly allow their whisperings.
Anyway... I was watching 'Human Stories' on Discovery Home & Health the other day and it was about 'When Sleep Turns Bad'. Insomniacs, sleep walkers and everything else in between. Scary stuff really if it can lead to divorce and jumping of buildings. With it being psychologically related, different remedies work on different people. Nothing is absolute when it comes to human beings. Abnormality is a norm. Some patients only need to tweak their diet, others rely on feng shui. My sleeping issue isn't really a problem it's just irregular. Just because...
and I know it's why...
...Donald Duck touched me when I was young :P21 April 2010
Myselves - Hotness
Filmed 2 months ago...thought it was too ugly so left it aside and forgotten.
Got tired cleaning the house and thought,
"I'm tired cleaning the house, I think I'll edit some vids!"
here's the first one: Myselves - Playing Questions
16 April 2010
"vad som än händer...hat kvar"
reclaim my faith ...omvärdera
tidy up the house...rengöra
study films...observera
find plots, follow through until the end...skriva filmmanu
Youtube...video att göra
"vad som än händer...hat kvar"
credits to Google Translate for all these translations I wish I can fluently speak someday...someday..over the rainbow, my pot of GOLD!
01 April 2010
...of bruises, Ed Gein, and the word 'Loquacious'...
these items have been occupying my vault recently...
Bruises...
I realize that I 'knock about' a lot. 'Knock about' as in my limbs flail around too much and I would usually undeliberately, inadvertently bang them unto an inanimate object. Sometimes as I walk by a route I've been through too often, I guess I let my guard down and 'pretend' to be an expert and of course fail later as I misjudge how much distance of free space from those furniture I have to be at to actually pass them successfully, ouch my pelvic crest. I have always been very clumsy. It used to be a deliberate act during high school but I got so used to it that it left a stain. I hated walking in a straight line then, too normal, no adventure, 'skema'. I liked running along, twirling on poles [ahahaha!! no, not that kinda pole], jumping around. Yes, this was in high school...freak anyone? But of course, I'm not gonna blame all that for stumping my foot on my mandolin HARD CASE halfway under my bed every morning in the dark light. That's just plain dumb innit...
Ed Gein...
This man was the original mad man who inspired the vicious serial killer 'Buffalo Bill' from the movie 'Silence of the Lambs', who's nothing compared him. He started with digging out corpses from graveyards and fabricates household ornaments out of their skins. He later moved up to murder. I can't remember a lot. I used to watch this weekly episode of 'Most Evil' on Discovery Channel last year which features some of the most evil villains ever recorded. I have bad memory so... But it was disgusting, that I remember. They showed some of the ornaments too, I only remember a lamp shade. His history? They all start the same, bad, traumatic childhood. Either an abusive, alcoholic [with or without] father or divorced parents.
the word Loquacious...
I'm getting sleepy so here's a short one.
It came from a line in Quentin Tarantino's 'Inglourious Basterds' starring Brad Pitt and Christoph Waltz [incredible acting by him] which I watched a week ago and it has bothered me since...
It means very talkative, a tendency to babble. Word of the week for me I guess.
blaah
Bruises...
I realize that I 'knock about' a lot. 'Knock about' as in my limbs flail around too much and I would usually undeliberately, inadvertently bang them unto an inanimate object. Sometimes as I walk by a route I've been through too often, I guess I let my guard down and 'pretend' to be an expert and of course fail later as I misjudge how much distance of free space from those furniture I have to be at to actually pass them successfully, ouch my pelvic crest. I have always been very clumsy. It used to be a deliberate act during high school but I got so used to it that it left a stain. I hated walking in a straight line then, too normal, no adventure, 'skema'. I liked running along, twirling on poles [ahahaha!! no, not that kinda pole], jumping around. Yes, this was in high school...freak anyone? But of course, I'm not gonna blame all that for stumping my foot on my mandolin HARD CASE halfway under my bed every morning in the dark light. That's just plain dumb innit...
Ed Gein...
This man was the original mad man who inspired the vicious serial killer 'Buffalo Bill' from the movie 'Silence of the Lambs', who's nothing compared him. He started with digging out corpses from graveyards and fabricates household ornaments out of their skins. He later moved up to murder. I can't remember a lot. I used to watch this weekly episode of 'Most Evil' on Discovery Channel last year which features some of the most evil villains ever recorded. I have bad memory so... But it was disgusting, that I remember. They showed some of the ornaments too, I only remember a lamp shade. His history? They all start the same, bad, traumatic childhood. Either an abusive, alcoholic [with or without] father or divorced parents.
the word Loquacious...
I'm getting sleepy so here's a short one.
It came from a line in Quentin Tarantino's 'Inglourious Basterds' starring Brad Pitt and Christoph Waltz [incredible acting by him] which I watched a week ago and it has bothered me since...
It means very talkative, a tendency to babble. Word of the week for me I guess.
blaah
18 March 2010
No Place for the Mundane
Damn you, cruel world...[I'm regarding its inhabitants of course]
I don't think I can be best at anything. I'm way too destructive to be achieving something. The only wish I'm hoping will come true now is to be able to make my own movies in my distant future.
Movies that would inspire a nation to take their ground. Movies that would relate to what Islam has taught us and give it new life. Movies that can take affect on a level higher than a good review. Movies that would have, "Fuck you!!" as it's subliminal message.
A wish is only a wish. If only I could quit doing what I'm doing now and work on that wish, I know I'd be better off. This land is dry, I can't plant seeds no more.
I think, because of this notion [the title], I decided to stay behind. Of course I made the friggin decisions! They appear subconscious because I'm awesome at pretending. Do I ever look surprised when I find myself repeating a whole year of dental school? Nay! I seem happy because I achieved! Last year I nearly repeated and that shook me. It's not that I like that place I'd spend as many years as I can there. I'd burn it down if I wanted to but that would only lead to air pollution. I HATE THAT PLACE! and I just ran out of words to type...
Blaah!
07 March 2010
Scarce
I am but a passenger in this world...[Taken on January 2010]
I don't know what to write about anymore. I started this blog in full inspiration of conveying my thoughts, record my feelings because I know I'll forget them. I hardly feel like writing nowadays. I feel like I'm pulling myself into a shell. Self-captivity.
Since I was in my formative years I've always liked the idea of being secretive and mysterious and although I was always saying I was, I knew deep down I wasn't. I was just pretending. But I guess all those years of pretense finally paid off, I can finally calm down and shut my mouth if I wanted to. Which is nearly all the time now. But when you live in a community or a family, the too drastic a change can threaten them of the absolute absurdity. They see things differently and without asking to confirm, assume the worst of everything. Although they were right to do so, I still think they should have left me alone with my choice.
I know human are born into a community and that they are expected to be part of one as soon as they come to years, but I can't do that. Being part of a community means dwelling in diversity and to me that's just asking for trouble. Diversity is chaos. But then again, there is never total chaos as according to the chaos theory, nothing is actually random. The world governed by Him is far too smart for that. But that is what I fear and hate. I tried to change but the world changed me back.
I believe change is possible, but death is the only cure.
28 January 2010
Fluff
I've been really interested in the clouds up in the sky lately. I guess God is trying to remind me about the bigger picture. I started admiring the fluffy wisps up about a few months ago. Majestic when the sun crowns it and powerful during their darker moods. Everytime I suffer inside, which is nearly everyday, all I need
to do is look up and behold the glowing blankets above.Clouds in a way are like people. There are many races, they appear to have feelings, they drink and cry, and they too are unpredictable. They have boundaries like we do. They can't come down too low and they can't fly up too high while we have our religion. It's not like they have a choice. God invented the logical reality of physics and chemistry. We on the other hand do have choices. The good and bad ones, and the gray areas.
07 January 2010
The Invisibility Cloak
I've been wishing I had one for years long. To not be seen or judged. I belong only to Him. Let Him fix me because I'm tired of fighting this way. Against my will. I just don't want to exist in this world but He would still exist in mine. He is my government. This is for reassurance.
Nowadays privacy is my priority. It's my bubble. I hardly let anybody in. Let them save themselves from this time-consuming-emotion-gloating addict. I think that's one of the reason I've been struggling with seeing patients. I'd have to deliberately put them in my private space. It's choking. I tried explaining this to certain people. They say they understand, but they don't. If they understood me, they'd be as miserable as I am. They don't have a bubble as thick as mine. Sometimes I wish the patients would fall asleep after I give an injection and would never wake up. That would make me smile. To send them off peacefully. They won't get hurt and mine would end.
I listened to a psychologist's talk today and found out that I'm not healthy. Mentally or physically or socially. So no I'm not healthy at all. I see 'hopelessness' as a scene in my own movie where I see myself stare at my own lifeless body under the tree at the edge of the cliff. My eyes would be open and empty. It's been playing more often than usual now. I'd love to make a movie out of it. It would be a very quiet one though. I don't think anybody would ever watch it because they would never hear about it.
We all have our own ideas of happiness. I want to be invisible, literally. I should have never taken the ticket into this world. I don't want to stop feeling though. It's the only thing keeping me alive. It fuels me to write, make songs and videos which I love doing and let them watch or hear but don't look at me. I just want them to feel me. But please, don't look at me. I want to be able to make them feel alive too. If they promise to stay away and not look at me.
13 December 2009
Don't
I Hate
I can't describe how much hate I have inside right now. I've grown aware of this state in me since 3 years ago. Some days I can set it aside and forgive everything. Some other days I just feel like killing everyone. An uncontrollable rage that I contain inside, cursing everthing from its existance. I know I won't kill, I know it's wrong, but I think some people just deserve to die. Erased from the surface of this decaying world.
I want to disappear
I'm losing my patience. I don't want to live like this anymore. It's pathetic. Everyday pretending to make a better day for tomorrow. I wish tomorrow would take me away. Far from this corrupted civilization. I hate the city. I hate crowds. 3 is a crowd. I can't function in the public eye. I want to be able to sit quietly, close my eyes, and hear the water streaming by, the birds chirping in the caressing trees. I hate the city. It disgusts me.
Dead
Rotten inside, I have nothing but maggots crawling around manipulating my limbs, my brain died from suffocating on the many ideas that clot my veins but never got materialised because I was too busy pretending. The meaning of life is on it's last strand as it escapes my clutch. My prairs turn stale as they leave my lips. I grow tire of this recurrent phase of eternal darkness. It is becoming my soulmate and I fear I may leave with it.
I wish for no later days
10 November 2009
I Killed A Giant !!
eHattattaa...
Oh what have become of the olden days...me being a selfish, ignorant twerp and the world summoning all the chaos that it could possibly conjure out of it's very limited vault of human ability(s). Well nothing really, those are still the days we're living in. Sometimes it feels useless after countless of hours sticking my head into these 'save the world' movements because directly after snapping back into reality, it feels like waking up from a dream! An impossible one!
Speaking of dreams! I had an awfully disturbing nightmare yesterday. I didn't have any patients for a clinic session from 10-12am so I decided to go 'study' [promise, I tried!] at the Surau. Of course, I fell asleep. And then I dreamed. I'm assuming you readers know Ju-On's crawling-on-the-floor ghost. Well it was pinning me down because someone sitting across me was ordering it to. I was in the same position as I was sleeping in, so I was really freaking out. There was another person walking around the surau in the background and he/she was also part of this 'ritual'.
The person sitting across from me was asking me to do something which I can't remember, but I refused and so it sent me into a nightmare. I was sent to a jungle clearing in my mind, there was a big old tree in the middle and fire posts encircling the area. There were 2 others, a couple that were sent there also against their will. A giant attacked us, we were to die! We fended ourselves with stick-made-spears. The woman was killed, the giant threw her to the ground, near the roots of the tree and pierced her throat with one of our made-shift weapons. Later the man was knocked unconscious. Somehow after that, I managed to attain a sword and decapitate the giant. Bloody but heroically!
So I survived the nightmare and came back to the surau but still in the dream. I was alone. The beings were no longer there, I was no longer pinned down. It was raining heavily outside and it was already nighttime! I looked at my phone to see if my dad had called, 30 miscalled! He must've been worried. So I quickly got up, got my things and slowly opened the surau door. Peeked outside, in case those beings were guarding outside. The Ju-On ghost was sitting on a chair near the door, wearing a gorilla suit [???]. Apparently it was asleep, so I slowly crept out but the door creaked as I was closing it [out of habit]. So it woke up and started chasing me around. It never caught me because I woke up, I really woke up this time, it really was raining heavily outside. I wasn't alone though, thankfully some of my coursemates were there getting ready for Zohor prayers. 1pm??!! Sheesh!!
Right then, back to whatever I was doing that you don't need to know about.
Later days...
Oh what have become of the olden days...me being a selfish, ignorant twerp and the world summoning all the chaos that it could possibly conjure out of it's very limited vault of human ability(s). Well nothing really, those are still the days we're living in. Sometimes it feels useless after countless of hours sticking my head into these 'save the world' movements because directly after snapping back into reality, it feels like waking up from a dream! An impossible one!
Speaking of dreams! I had an awfully disturbing nightmare yesterday. I didn't have any patients for a clinic session from 10-12am so I decided to go 'study' [promise, I tried!] at the Surau. Of course, I fell asleep. And then I dreamed. I'm assuming you readers know Ju-On's crawling-on-the-floor ghost. Well it was pinning me down because someone sitting across me was ordering it to. I was in the same position as I was sleeping in, so I was really freaking out. There was another person walking around the surau in the background and he/she was also part of this 'ritual'.
The person sitting across from me was asking me to do something which I can't remember, but I refused and so it sent me into a nightmare. I was sent to a jungle clearing in my mind, there was a big old tree in the middle and fire posts encircling the area. There were 2 others, a couple that were sent there also against their will. A giant attacked us, we were to die! We fended ourselves with stick-made-spears. The woman was killed, the giant threw her to the ground, near the roots of the tree and pierced her throat with one of our made-shift weapons. Later the man was knocked unconscious. Somehow after that, I managed to attain a sword and decapitate the giant. Bloody but heroically!
So I survived the nightmare and came back to the surau but still in the dream. I was alone. The beings were no longer there, I was no longer pinned down. It was raining heavily outside and it was already nighttime! I looked at my phone to see if my dad had called, 30 miscalled! He must've been worried. So I quickly got up, got my things and slowly opened the surau door. Peeked outside, in case those beings were guarding outside. The Ju-On ghost was sitting on a chair near the door, wearing a gorilla suit [???]. Apparently it was asleep, so I slowly crept out but the door creaked as I was closing it [out of habit]. So it woke up and started chasing me around. It never caught me because I woke up, I really woke up this time, it really was raining heavily outside. I wasn't alone though, thankfully some of my coursemates were there getting ready for Zohor prayers. 1pm??!! Sheesh!!
Right then, back to whatever I was doing that you don't need to know about.
Later days...
06 November 2009
I Love Long Hair
1. I love how it gets into my mouth while I'm chewing my food, teasing me by acting all fibrous.
2. I love how it prevents me from reading a book by irritating my eyes.
3. I love how it makes me look hot by insulating all the heat from my head & neck.
4. I love how it generously consume an overwhelming amount of effort & time to dry.
5. I love how it surprises me every morning in the toilet.
6. I love how it dies and lays itself on the floor in a randomly chaotic pattern, creating a masterpiece!
7. But most of all, I love how it frames my face...when I'm not wearing tudung la...
Laters...
2. I love how it prevents me from reading a book by irritating my eyes.
3. I love how it makes me look hot by insulating all the heat from my head & neck.
4. I love how it generously consume an overwhelming amount of effort & time to dry.
5. I love how it surprises me every morning in the toilet.
6. I love how it dies and lays itself on the floor in a randomly chaotic pattern, creating a masterpiece!
7. But most of all, I love how it frames my face...when I'm not wearing tudung la...
Laters...
27 September 2009
Post-RAYA Syndrome
Muahahahaha!! Selamat Hari Raya to all potential readers.
A little correction regarding the last post...apparently my batch won't be undergoing the continuous clinical weeks, only the 5th years are the unfortunate victims. Us 4th years are only subject to having 2 weeks of holiday extracted from our calender. DAMNATION!!
ONLY 1 WEEK OF SEMESTER BREAK??!! AND WHAT??!! NO MIDSEM BREAK FOR THE 2ND SEM??!! BAAH HUMBUG!!
Whatever dudes...let's just get it done with. I'm tired of all this nonsense.
RAYA was awesome at kampung! Didn't get to do the interviews I said I would but for the 1st time ever, made a video that included all the 1st class 'anak dara's and the 3 boys.
Plus my sister
All left to do is editing but I am in a slow mood since class starts tomorrow..ekh..and I'm still in RAYA mode. Quick...somebody invite me to an open house!!
Our house is in a open house mood as well. We got a new sofa set!
Alrighty then! Better start on the video...I'll notify once it's completed.
Laters...
12 September 2009
1st of The Worsts
For once I'll be writing of what is to come and not what had already came and been done with. This coming week, the week before Raya will be pretty much horrifying. For the next 5 days, with tests nearly every single day, clinics everyday, a project proposal to present, and requirements to pass up by the end of the week, my prediction is that I'll be dead before Raya.
But that's only the appetizer! The worst of the worse is yet to come. Early next year, my friggin faculty will be undergoing some reconstruction and renovations. The clinics are gonna be revamped! Great news! But we have to pay the price. All the clinical sessions will be done early, the only way to do that is to push them all up to the start of the 2nd semester. So the plan was that we had to undergo months of merely clinical time, no lectures, just so we could complete the requirements. Crazy? Yes! It'll be like going to work! I don't know if I can do this man! I suck bad at multitasking. All the lectures will be postponed until a month before the finals where we'll be having them 8-5 every weekday. Crazy? Even more!! It'll be like 1st year all over again but hopefully, it'll help me study.
One good-but-not-overjoyed news I'd like to share is that I'm in charge of making a 10-15mins video for a Public Health project. So, yes my brain is excited about that which means it's hard for me to concentrate now. It shall be in a form of an informal documentary containing clips of interviews and sketches.
Announcement to all adult family members of Edd: I will be conducting video interviews about oral health, volunteers are welcome, specifically chosen candidates shall be named. I am asking for your full support and cooperation. Please and thank you. [Interviewer: Dhuha, cameradude: Me]
Later days...
13 August 2009
Out With It
Okay, I'll no longer deny and avoid the factual statement that I'm a dental student.
So here's the latest interesting thing.
Today my group had a short field trip to Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia, Putrajaya. We went to the Dentistry sector of course, sat for an hour's talk on Oral Health Promotion, toured the offices, had free 'oily & caffeinated' lunch, and patiently waited for the bus. I didn't bring a camera since I'm not the posing type of person, but I did see something worth sharing and shot it with my lousy phone cam which turned out horrish. So here's an equivalent shot from the www:
read the smallprints
It was manufactured around 1997. What the hell were they thinking?! Desensetizing kids to the profession?! Did it work? So far, I still have never heard a little girl saying they want to grow up to be a dentist, it's always a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, a doctor. Nowadays? A popstar.
What a day...it was one of those days where somehow, time was spared in every corner but unfortunately by the end of the day you know you benefited nothing from it because you spent most [if not all] of that potential hours sat in front of your bro's computer listening to Russell Peters and playing Prototype. And now? Sit across your laptop for an hour typing about it when hardly anybody is gonna read it. Great learning EPs collected there.
Later days...
So here's the latest interesting thing.
Today my group had a short field trip to Kementerian Kesihatan Malaysia, Putrajaya. We went to the Dentistry sector of course, sat for an hour's talk on Oral Health Promotion, toured the offices, had free 'oily & caffeinated' lunch, and patiently waited for the bus. I didn't bring a camera since I'm not the posing type of person, but I did see something worth sharing and shot it with my lousy phone cam which turned out horrish. So here's an equivalent shot from the www:
read the smallprintsIt was manufactured around 1997. What the hell were they thinking?! Desensetizing kids to the profession?! Did it work? So far, I still have never heard a little girl saying they want to grow up to be a dentist, it's always a doctor, a nurse, a teacher, a doctor. Nowadays? A popstar.
What a day...it was one of those days where somehow, time was spared in every corner but unfortunately by the end of the day you know you benefited nothing from it because you spent most [if not all] of that potential hours sat in front of your bro's computer listening to Russell Peters and playing Prototype. And now? Sit across your laptop for an hour typing about it when hardly anybody is gonna read it. Great learning EPs collected there.
Later days...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)