When did life become so fucking complicated? Maybe it's always been complicated but we were brought up thinking - "It's all gonna be okay, just look on the final pages for answers" - so that when we actually faced complexities, we freak out and need a diaper change.
Why didn't I see it coming?
"Edd, you're gonna be a loser, watch out."
okay, maybe I should be a doctor, that'll get me out of the loser list.
"I guess"
A dentist perhaps? at least that won't be as hard. I'm smart enough right?
"Yaa ehmm *plays Gameboy"
WTH was my conscience playing that stupid aged old game at that time!
And look where you are now...I don't mind tripping here and there but this is just too ridiculous. You people just don't get it! and neither can I! and when that happens every single issue becomes a catastrophe. and you begin to lose yourself, you bounce in and out of the wave not knowing which side is up or down. trapped within the wave, trapped within yourself. you're stuck. you lose faith in everybody, you lose faith in yourself. you can't even carry yourself out of the mess you made. you look around you and how they're alive. you look at yourself and you feel guilty to be breathing in a place meant for another. i'm sorry i stole your place. i am sorry i wasted the government's money. i am sorry for wasting so many paper, so many time, so many words and breath. was it not meant for me? i tried to fit in, i tried to feel it. its just voids outlined by hate. why can't i feel anything.
denied.
2 comments:
idaaaa...i started to feel the same as yours!!! whakakakauu...mungkin ini sindrom 3rd year? saya malas mahu bercakap dgn patient, terasa takde attitude utk jd seorang dentist.tak fit dgn profession ini. saya geli tgk mulut org.rase mcm menyampah lak.
hari tu dhuha baru sound seorang pakcik ni yg sy baru scaling last 2 weeks tp da develop byk gle plaque smpai kena buat scaling again kat dia like what i did last 2 weeks.
n i said to myself "matila kalo hari2 camni.patient buat dek je nasihat yg dibagi. stress btol.dia ingt sng ke nk cuci gigi dia"
pastu dhuha ckp kat dia "next week i dont want to do the same thing again. please make sure u really2 take care of your oral hygiene.its not only me who's doing my job here.you yourself has the responsibility"
pastu sejak itu diriku rasa demotivated sungguh nak buat kerja tanpa rela ni. malas nk berbaik2 dgn patient.tak suka study,xsuka clinic. lagi suka buat sim clinic.
tak memahami diri sendiri. kejap rase seronok kejap rase menyampah.
but i'm here...kna ingtkan diri berkali2 gk.memaksa diri sambil memakan diri. ah biarlah. brp tahun je lg(haha almost 13 yrs,tmasuk bonding dgn governmt)
nk melahirkan ikhlas tu bukan senang lg2 dlm bidang yg bukan fevret.pray.that's the least thing we can do. kot.
ya btol...mari berdoa brsama. ida nih pn bru okay lps tgk series Generation Kill balik..cite perang kat Iraq..dunno y.
bab marah2 pt tuh mmg terpaksa kengkdg. wlaupn kte student je, kne serius ngn diorg.
pt american ida tuh pn bru nih ida just potg ckp dia to get to my point, naik suara gak lah. klo ida tgh nk buat keje, dia nk potpet ida mintak partnr lyn, nseb bek dia lyn.
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