Turning Leaves

Greetings, heres to the first and many more to come. I'd like to thank Ib who unconciously put the idea of starting my own blogging habit. I've read a few blogs before but it never occured to me to actually start my own coz the ones I've been to aren't worth mentioning due to sensitive issues -coughs hard- .

Well, the reason the title up there is "turning leaves" is because...that's what most of us basically do in every step of the way anyway. At least those who take time to analyze whatever hell or good fortune they've been through at any period of time. [Dang it...words are easier to come with a pen...still getting used to this] And I'm one of those people, maybe even one of the elites! Hahaha! I take time looking into my past, my childhood, how everything comes to be as I am today [messed up]...but I'm not done yet. Coz I'm still not okay with where I'm at today. But sometimes I just get confused...am I looking back to honestly improve myself or to simply play the blame game for a present failure? I need to look back on that :P

I'm not really a believer in those zodiac signs and stuff...what do they call it again? Nevermind. But I can relate to mine easily: aquarius. I'm sure a lot of you can too. I'm easily moved by any forces of nature...like water currents. I know sometimes feelings can get in the way of rationale but I just love the bursts of emotions. I remember at 8 years old, before going to sleep in bed, I would imagine that my whole family suddenly abandons me [i'm still asking myself why, kept doing it until 11] making myself cry. I was brought up in a pretty happy and nourishing environment which shows no signs of abuse or deliberate neglect by both parents, but I just wanted to feel what i keep seeing on tv...i guess [does Oliver Twist ring a bell?].
Flowing through the ages of time. Maybe that's why I've gone through a lot of phases...extreme ones. Struggling to find a strength pole, I've alternated being tomboy and girlish for a few years until I was in...until I reached puberty. Then rapper, then punk, then a transient religious phase [wow!], then rock, and finally an avid rocker/metalhead. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm an emo kid since I was born...obviously. Of course we all feel unique and different in many ways, but some wants to be part of the term 'normal' while others just want to be part of the difference...thus exploring their unique-ness [is that even a word?] I belong to the latter. Proudly!

Alrighty then, I should stop before I blabber much longer and trail off the topic..which I might already have. This is why diaries steer away from me...I'm too much of a load for existence. HELLYEEAAHH!!