Damaged !!

Damn it! Why is it that when you're really in need of that certain object, it either goes missing or ends up retarded as hell. This shouldn't be, my life is no cliche!! Aaarrgh!

I'm going on holiday tomorrow with the greatest people in my life and found out just a couple hours ago that the camcorder is crapped up. Digi cams are working fine, great but I'm gonna need some live feed there. I know I can get videos with digi cams too but what if I want photos at the same time?
Just hope the rest of the group has cameras too.


We're all exited. All cousins day out. YEAH!! Let's sing for smooth sailing ahead! I wonder if I should bring my ipod along. Maybe I should, since it's gonna be a long bus ride. Plus just in case it gets too dull, I'd need Alter Bridge, A7X, and Muse to keep me giddy. Hahaha!


Since we all tend to turn out gothic when we're together, I hope this won't be like the 'Emo Roadtrip' from Youtube. Hahahaha!

Failed Supremacy

So little have fate left us to reason,

No more room to breathe and to grow,
The faith that lies in every person,
One by one, they fall to sorrow,

Whatever lies in between the fractured soul,
Beauty upholds and stands so true,
As red as the blood that you once sold,
We burn all hope and humanity too,

Up on the mountains we hear them roar,
Across the plains it seeps and spreads,
Behold the power, from the river it pours,
All creatures once roam indeed now dead.

...this was my 30min break from my part-time job at my mom's day-care center...twas my 1st day...
..too..many..kids...must..destroy..inanimate object...censored!

Birthdays...

Happy 16th Birthday to my bro, Faris. JE is his nick. Actually, we were a few days late for this little celebration. His actual birthday-day was ruined by...ME! Sorry! Gomen!

Some chain of events led me to terribly disappoint my parents on that day. But is was also a turning point to a better and improved conscience. The hope finally returns! woo..that reminded me of Star Wars. A New Hope & Jedi Returns. Hahaha! And hope I do that this budding strength shall grow and last. At least untill I face the new unknown. Dare you elude me?! Baah! Hummbug! [what the heck]

The hardest exam of all is growing up. There are no answer schemes to ace it. It's either you hit or miss, then you move on, no turning back. It's kinda exciting now that I recently managed to get back on my feet. Like the line in "Batman Begins", "Bruce, why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." I wonder when I'm gonna hit my next wall, no more plunging into darkness!

No patterns of success can be mapped out because we're humans, we're unstable. So the end result, to me, doesn't really matter since we're all going to die anyway. Here's a cliche: The journey by far is the most important and most exciting. Quotes! "The best thing to do is to fulfil your present needs" - 28 Laws of Attractions. "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same" - All At Once by The Fray.

Birthdays are reminders of how far we've gone.

Best of luck!!

"the unexamined life is not worth living, man"

Okay, skip this if you're not interested in psychological theories.

What strikes me the most about Demetri [read previous post] is that he has a great outlook on life. Well yeah with him being a comedian and all but they have ups & downs too..[I'm supposed to recommend a movie here but can't recall the effin title] But being a comedian also gives him the advantage, he analyzes the living for every possible detail just so he can poke fun at it. He mentioned something in 1 of his acts which correlates profoundly to what was written in that book I'm reading, "Choice Theory". It was that [I'll use Demetri's version to uncomplicate things] we have our own personal lense that we use to view the world into and this lense has been shapen by our previous experiences.

I wish I could quote a sentence from the book but I left it somewhere far away. So I'll just write what I remember from my comprehension of it. We all have our own personal 'quality worlds' where in it we store our most cherished people, objects, or experiences. I imagine mine as electrons circulating around & over me. These cherished beings or things can't simply be put into or pulled out of a quality world like pocket change. To gain access they must have at least once in your previous experiences fulfilled 1 or more of your crucial needs: survival, love & belonging, power, freedom, fun & learn. We trust those items to make us feel complete. Now, it is this world that we use to relate to the external world, this is our lense. This is why we percieve very differently from others or even similar if those electrons consist of the same item and vibrate on the same frequency in individuals.

It was a big one for me to swallow bcoz frankly, I'm self-obsessed and I keep wanting to make other people agree with me. I'm still wrapping myself around all this bcoz I got so used to my ancient thinking. There's more to this actually but c'mon already! Shut the F up EDD!

And all that thinking & typing is making me dizzy [not to mention skipping a night's sleep]...I'm going for breakfast with my parents...YEEAAH!! Please feel free to share your thoughts about all this. I'm open to any other...stuff. Laterz.

Insomniac

Heyy.....................
Yes......the title says it all......I had like 3 ginourmous mugs of highly caffeinated beverage yesterday, I tried to theoretically decrease it's concentration by adding milk but then again...they're called theories for a reason. I'm the human factor...unstable. Wait a minute...was it a scientific theory or a common household myth? Talking of theories, I'll get back to you on that. I guess that brief warmth from taking in coffee triumphs over my survival instincts of getting enough sleep. So what on God's earth did I do last night? Well.............

> Chat with a few peeps while my head bobs along [headbang] to Megadeth's "United Abominations"...this only lasted until around 0200.
> Dug deep into this vast web to look for movies worth downloading...came up with a few: "This Is Spinal Tap", "Fubar", "Thank You For Smoking", & "The Orphanage" - thanx 4 the heads up syirol.
>Being the YOUTUBE freak that I am...I found this guy, Demetri Martin, an award winning international comedian...great stuff...worth a visit..go! Or not...whatever. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcwfdFT1ohE
>Downloading a crap load of albums...expect reviews in a few days@weeks.

Holy Crap! I'm on the downhill run...

Am I twisted to even consider this a hobby? I guess I work better in hardship...you know...when 'your life depends on it' kinda situation. Being on top makes me a cruel2 person, I'd live hating myself...it's better this way. Everything happens for a reason. I put myself in God's hands. Let the flow of fate drown me. I never ask for anything...is that a problem? Occasionally.

So what do we do when we're down in the dirt? We relieve ourselves! Yay! If I could, I'd get high..get wasted! But in real life, I choose to write...in every form possible. The pen is my mighty stick! I compose poems and screenplays, or simply just spill my thoughts. Only today have I successfully made a song! Yay! But my guitar skills still suck...I'm still learning dudes. Other than that, I sing/headbang to songs. I tend to mimick my favourite voices such as Matt Bellamy, Myles Kennedy, Tarja Turunen, Enya...those are the extremes of each categories. I love Phil Anselmo's vocals and I'd give anything to have that growl...even my dignity as a woman [joke]. Damn I'd love to be in a band. Anybody out there looking for a vocalist? Or anybody willing to teach me to play guitar or smoke pott [joke].

Turning Leaves

Greetings, heres to the first and many more to come. I'd like to thank Ib who unconciously put the idea of starting my own blogging habit. I've read a few blogs before but it never occured to me to actually start my own coz the ones I've been to aren't worth mentioning due to sensitive issues -coughs hard- .

Well, the reason the title up there is "turning leaves" is because...that's what most of us basically do in every step of the way anyway. At least those who take time to analyze whatever hell or good fortune they've been through at any period of time. [Dang it...words are easier to come with a pen...still getting used to this] And I'm one of those people, maybe even one of the elites! Hahaha! I take time looking into my past, my childhood, how everything comes to be as I am today [messed up]...but I'm not done yet. Coz I'm still not okay with where I'm at today. But sometimes I just get confused...am I looking back to honestly improve myself or to simply play the blame game for a present failure? I need to look back on that :P

I'm not really a believer in those zodiac signs and stuff...what do they call it again? Nevermind. But I can relate to mine easily: aquarius. I'm sure a lot of you can too. I'm easily moved by any forces of nature...like water currents. I know sometimes feelings can get in the way of rationale but I just love the bursts of emotions. I remember at 8 years old, before going to sleep in bed, I would imagine that my whole family suddenly abandons me [i'm still asking myself why, kept doing it until 11] making myself cry. I was brought up in a pretty happy and nourishing environment which shows no signs of abuse or deliberate neglect by both parents, but I just wanted to feel what i keep seeing on tv...i guess [does Oliver Twist ring a bell?].
Flowing through the ages of time. Maybe that's why I've gone through a lot of phases...extreme ones. Struggling to find a strength pole, I've alternated being tomboy and girlish for a few years until I was in...until I reached puberty. Then rapper, then punk, then a transient religious phase [wow!], then rock, and finally an avid rocker/metalhead. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm an emo kid since I was born...obviously. Of course we all feel unique and different in many ways, but some wants to be part of the term 'normal' while others just want to be part of the difference...thus exploring their unique-ness [is that even a word?] I belong to the latter. Proudly!

Alrighty then, I should stop before I blabber much longer and trail off the topic..which I might already have. This is why diaries steer away from me...I'm too much of a load for existence. HELLYEEAAHH!!