Dear Diabolic Dean...

Brook!
I know I promised not to mention any stories from my side of life as a student in the dent fac but today's incident is kind of necessary. It's nothing big but I'll be honest in stating my opinions of it so, colleagues beware!

the face says it all

As usual on Friday mornings, lectures on Oral Surgery. Today was the dean's turn [he's not really diabolic, I just liked the way it sounded] and he LOVE's asking questions. Testing us if we actually understand what we were being taught or at least the meaning of commonly used words. Yes, very normal and very relevant but the way he does it, to me it's disgusting. And many other students have that sense of negativity towards him too but maybe in other ways.

So I entered the classroom and as the other studs were filling in, I recognized a pattern, the same thing happened when I was with their seniors last year. They left the front 4 rows empty and crowded at the back. No offense but WHAT THE HELL??!! That's absurd! I know they didn't want to be the victim of his frequent bombardment of stomach-quenching questions but how in the hell would stepping back 4 rows was going to help them escape? As I said, fucking absurd! Other than that, it was fucking rude! I just couldn't grab the rationale of doing such a thing. We're practically adults but we still make choices like we did back in pre-school years. And I thought I was the one being left behind in maturing.

They preach unity [not all but I know a few] but here is where they subconsciously reveal their selfishness. When you're faced with a problem, you have 2 main choices: Get through it or run from it. If you choose the previous, then there's 2 other choice: Face it headstrong or by sucking up to it. I think they chose neither and was simply being obnoxious. What should've been done was to join up forces and strike. Today, I tried to make them [the juniors] sit in the front rows with me, like I did last year, but it's hard when you're the only one believing in something. The majority thinking always wins but they're not always right and I am never going to succumb to the saying, 'If you can't beat them, join them'. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I feel relieved leaving them. But today I found myself trapped in dejavu, here it goes again [does the OkGo treadmill dance].

Other than that, back to the lecture, a few people did eventually sit next to me but only after the dean enquired of their actions. Then he started with the questions, finally leading to "what is the meaning of pain?" While he asked a few people I formulated my own answer on a piece of paper. In the end he came to me with the same question and I answered, "the sensation inflicted by any hurting factor." He quickly pulled the mic and said, "bla3, I couldn't even understand what you just said." And goes off to ask other studs. They laughed at the scene. Okay fine, so maybe I mumbled a bit but he didn't even give me a chance to clearly restate it. If he did hear my answer he certainly didn't want the others to hear it from me. If he didn't hear it then obviously he's already full of himself by assuming nobody can answer his simple question. When nobody could provide a satisfying answer he finally said, "Pain is the sensation when your are hurt in mind or body." ...
Not to boast but my answer was the closest anybody could get. It practically means the same thing except for the mind and body part or as I would put it, emotionally and physically. You know where I'm going with this. I don't think he wants anyone to correctly answer him, because then he wouldn't be able to lavish in the glory of being the only one right or the only one with a thought. Now, how are we supposed to look up to a prick like that?

Well, I hope that's the last of it. Sorry for the harsh language and sorry to those who were offended in the process of me making my point. I apologize but I have to stick to my principles of being honest. The truth hurts and that's the truth.

Later days...

Ramadhan is peeping in !!

Yay, Brook! It's gonna be the holy month of Ramadhan in a few days! I can't wait, I love Ramadhan and I think everybody, I mean every Muslim should [No, that wasn't a commanding sentence, no more commanding].

WHY? Here we go...

1. It's a period of realignment.
As Islam is in every aspect of our life, fasting can be very beneficial without you realizing it's effects until you're reading it off flyers abundantly being passed around as reminders in this time of month.
I see Ramadhan [this includes the fasting laa] as a car wash. We go in all battered up here and there, deprived in every way, the mind is heavily torn, even the soul wants to get out! We should get the best out of this coming one as if it will be our last and struggle with all the merit collection...ibadah laa. It's hard, I know, but you will feel very fulfilled once it ends. 10 times the feeling of passing up your final exams paper. No, I haven't felt it but that's what my Ma told me. And I agree because I'm usually never the best example of 'hamba Allah' and everytime Ramadhan ends I feel regretful and kind of hollow. So I know if I buck up and keep it up through the whole month, I can turn the whole tree of consequences upside down. Get all fixed. It's not getting reborn or resetting to default configuration but it can lift you up a level.
Exit the car wash with a tailored interior and gleaming exterior. The spirit all polished to face another year of trials in life.

2. Everyone will be on anger management...hopefully

Because it's generally understood that anger and hatred is a little towards the dark side a.k.a. the devil, we should be free of it when they're [the devils] not even around to provoke it in us. If not then we are the devil...akakaka! Or at least devilish.
I'm hoping I can rid it off me. It's been a while since I've flipped though. I find myself recovering from an episode of tantrum quicker then I usually do. I try to laugh it out loud instead of telling people off or just simply change the environment to switch it off. Maturity? Well, if you consider being rasional is matured, then I guess I am matured...in that aspect of self-control.

3. Family dinner [fast-breaking @ breakfast] becomes special and is of top priority!
I don't think I need to explain this.

4. An excuse to end the day early.
Because it's tiring not getting a bite to eat for 13 hours! That is no excuse, it's pure logic! Even when I was an elementary schooler in England, we were told to stay inside the classroom when the other kids had to go out play in the playground, just so we won't tire easily and can last the whole day since they don't allow us Muslim kids to go home early just because we're fasting. And here's a confession, I cheated on fasting a lot during those times. Always popping in some food in my mouth when nobody's looking.

5. Raya preps...oooh!!
As a student, I can't really feel this anymore. It used to be the best times ever. I miss it dearly. Baking Raya cookies with my sibs, widening those pockets for all the Raya money, the incredible search for new shoes, and I think losing weight was once part of the prep when I was in high school. All these little things [except the weight thing] can be the joys of life for a kid. It's a shame to lose it but somehow we can't agree with it while we're on this voyage.

I'm sure there's a lot more that I missed but I've already taken up enough of my studying session for the night. So, good luck for this Ramadhan.

Later days...

Falling Slowly...

The title is subjective to various perspectives. To me it simply means 'floating', either in or out of love, self-configuration, or norm.

I'm just buying time until my clock strikes 2am. I decided to hit the bed at 2am and so it shall be. I came up with a few more theories and revelations of my psychological growth. Unfortunately, a few things were of higher priority than jotting them down so I need to remind myself to spend a little sit-down-time with Brook in the near future.

Just bought myself a food cabinet to store all the nit-bits needed to flourishly supply my greedy little tummy at night especially with the Ramadhan month just creeping around the bends. Only wished I brought my screwdriver too. Darn it!

Oh and of course, I now have Celcom Broadband thus, I now have the world at my fingertips. If only I have enough brain cells to store at least 1/4 it's content. Possible? Yes...in a way.

IT'S 2!! Later days... Halt! This is my shortest entry ever!! Hahaha!

Olympics 2008...the fight for humanity

What a great show the Chinese put on yesterday for the opening ceremony. The lights were amazing, the scroll was awesome. I just pity the Chinese girls and guys being the borders, they had to do that clapping cheering thingy for hours! But they did it anyhow, for the country they love.

See, that's something I lack. Nationalism was never my thing, it's not that I don't love this country. I'm thankful because this is the only country where I can walk around freely being myself, not having to fear any racial or religious attacks [it exists but at the utmost minimal level]. I'm an individualist, a selfish brat that lives for thyself and thy family only. I guess that's why it's hard for me to trust people, even when people begin to trust me I try to shed it off by doing things they wouldn't expect. Trust, to me is like an attachment. But it's okay if the link isn't that clustering, like I can go off for months without talking to this trustee but I can still come back and ask a favour. Unfortunately there aren't that many people who can tolerate that kind of behaviour and logically thinking, nobody should. So, okay I get that and I'm sorry. But I get really uncomfortable when I'm around people other than family for too long. That's an ego of mine other than the 'pink' issue.

But anyway, the Olympics to me is a noble fight for the last strand of humanity left in everyone of us. Everybody is preaching for world peace but nobody actually believes in it. If they do then they shouldn't. But the games show that they are willing to try and bring everyone together. I'm not saying it's impossible, in a cruel world like this anything is possible. But if by any chance we do get absolute peace, there wouldn't be anything left to live for. So we don't want war between nations, but killings and corruption won't cease to stop.

Actually when you think about it, is the Olympics really the symbol of unity? They're fighting amongst themselves. Okay, so athletes are professionals and they have sportsmanship, I respect that. Maybe it's just me, I fail to see the whole point because I'm too caught up in my own kingdom of metal and fairy tales.

Anyhow, this is my last week staying at home. Tomorrow I'm off to college, so no more waking too early in the morning to catch the train every weekday. I'm gonna miss that. Including the free net connection...huhuhu! There could be a chance I won't be staying at college anymore next year. My brother told me of his plans to purchase an apartment somewhere in KL and he's asking me to be his housemate. Cool. But it's just a plan in mind.

Laters...

Metallic as in everything...

What a hell of a long time since I've written...again. If you've been reading some of the previous posts you would know that I'm back to my ancient old routine by now...classes and clinics and shyte. But whatever...my posts are clean out of em'. I've been too caught up with classes, house chores [still enjoying em' since I'm still at home], and Nazrin Firdaus [the new hot stuff].

A few things I'm glad having back are my big bro [fresh from England] and METAL!! My bro brought back all his Jap dorama collection and those Morning Musume shyte..and he knows I'm gonna get my head all wrapped up around it in no time, though I think my metal vibe is stronger than ever now, and I might not even commit this time around. Who knows? If I do get into deep Jap mode it'd only last a few months or so, as it usually do, but metal or rock is how I live it. To be honest with you, being back in 'you know where' kind of threatens my newly formed principles and way of thinking. I guess breaking the habit is harder than I thought [Damn you Linkin Park!!]

I know it's kinda ridiculous to look up to rockstars as role models of principles and philosophy, but who said they are my only ones. Take in the good and f**k the bad, when in doubt just throw it the hell out. I am trying my hardest to level out with myself...man that sounds selfish in a good way...haha!! Balance in life is hard and nearly impossible to achieve and though it does hurt trying but at least you're gaining experience in your efforts. Futile it is not!

One other issue that's getting my principles all jumbled up was boy trouble. Not that I have a boyfriend to give me any but there is this guy who is wanting to be more than friends. Disgusted as I was at first, a few weeks later I find myself excited waiting for his call. Fortunately, I managed to come to my senses quickly [thanx Syirol] and shove all that crush crap down the effin drain. What a load of sentimental humanoid shyte! Someday maybe but not now please. Although, I'm still keeping him as a friend because he's a metalhead and with my type of personality out in the open, they are hard to come by.

Vypress, my guitar!! I hardly touched you in the holidays and I've got the soft finger pads to prove it! Huhuhu!! But that's one more thing coming back now..yay! Trying to play James Morrison, Travis, and OneRepublic. I know, I know..they're no metal mongers, but come on, I can't really play metal on an acoustic guitar. Plus I'm no narrow minded metalhead, I'm generally a music enthusiast.

What else? I'm trying to drain all the updates out so that I can go silence for a few more weeks. hahaha..I might be kidding there.

Ghost Hunters!! Heee~ A topic for another day.

Sorry for being low on pics..I've been too busy and lazy to capture the moments on a digicam.

That's enough for now so LATERS!!