For the past few days, I've been in and out of my blog thinking of what to write next. After the previous post, I thought it'd only be fair for me to lay low for a while. Fair for both the writer & the readers [whoever you are], since we all have things to be done. But then again, one thing keeps bugging me and I can't seem to get it off my mind.
A few weeks ago I met a few ladies, strangers you might say, who are acquaintances to some people I know, dearly. Of course we didn't talk much, I was quiet nearly all of the time because they were plural and I was singular. And later as they were departing, we shook hands, a common custom in our community, a gesture which simbolizes polite manner & respect. So if one decides not to show politeness or respect then please forget about doing so because you're only making a fool of yourself.
So, let's talk about handshakes!
Shaking hands is a relic of our ancient past. It is usually performed both on initial greeting & on departure. Of course in some other countries they bow, touch noses, or even hug. We Malaysians shake and if you're a woman you'll hug those that are 'close' to you. Most men just shake to avoid over-contact from disturbing their ego...ehem. In the Malaysian community it is considered impolite not to shake, I know this for a fact because when I was little I was always scolded for avoiding hand shakes. I was shy, I think.
Even so, muslims avoid shaking hands with the opposite sex because touch can be a powerful tool. But in this modern world, as our country becomes more Americanised, people tend to pay more attention to what the whites do than what our God tells us to do. So the men freely hand out shakes to us females [this happens the other way around more often], and though it would also be wrong to leave it hanging because it's wrong to embaress them, why should I care. Serve them right to be embaressed. You know you shouldn'tve held it out, so you should know better. A-holes!
Anyway, like I said earlier, if you're not gonna do it properly then don't do it at all. You'll end up looking like a homo or a bitch. Sorry, I mean you'll end up offending the person you're shaking hands with. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, it's human nature. Unknown to ourselves, body language play a big part in communication, a bigger part than verbal communication. Facial expressions are the best indication to honesty, other than looking behind to see if anybody's stabbing your back.
How To Shake Hands Appropriately...Unless If You're A Villain, Please Wait For Next Week's Post:
1. Look at the person you're greeting.
Eye contact is optional, I mean some people may feel a little intimidated by the other but at least be face to face. You can look at their teeth or nose or forehead instead. This shows affection & sincerity. It's saying, "I am greeting you". If we don't do this, then I of all people would be very confused, "you're touching my hand but I don't know what it means, is this an assault?". In our community, according to my observations, most elderlies wouldn't do this. It may be ego, I'm not sure but what's the point of teaching us respect when they're not showing us any.
2. Smile.
For goodness sakes, please smile. That's the whole point of greeting somebody, making them feel welcomed or accepted. How can you do that without smiling? Okay, so she stole your boyfriend or she murdered your dad, what the hell are you doing shaking their hands for? You don't have to overdo it, just a simple smirk would sometimes do, for me at least. I'd know you're trying.
3. Grab the whole hand.
Please avoid this if the other party has some disease or open wound on their hands but other than that don't just go for the tip of the fingers, that's utterly pathetic. This is very disrespectful. I'd be thinking to myself, "Am I that disgusting? I think your personality is much worse". Other than that, there's this thing that we Malaysians regularly use to show politeness, the 'Double-hander'. Like in the photo below, my Granny is pulling a double-hander towards my Grandy. In the political world, the double-hander is used to counter the 'upper hand' position which is the dominant position and is simply saying, I'm empowering you.
4. The right amount of pressure.
This is tricky since it's different for everybody. Don't squeeze the life out of their hands and at the same time don't just slide the hand without pressurizing. How much pressure you apply corresponds to how powerful or dominant you are towards the other party. So, not squeezing at all would mean you're weak and the other party may feel they can overpower you easily. In politics, this plays a big role and in employment, make sure you don't squeeze harder than your potential employer during first impressions.
5. The right length of time.
In most countries it's usually 5-7 pumps, in certain others such as Germany 2-3 pumps. A pump is that up & down movement of a hand shake. In Malaysia it's occasionally just 1 pump followed by the submissive or younger party bowing to kiss the upper hand or touching it to their forehead. Sometimes I just bow when I'm confused of the power level but still want to be polite.The hands leave the shake and touches their own chests. I don't really know what this means but I think it has something to do with being modest.
That's most of it. It's meant to be quick unless you really like their gripping hands.
There's a lot more to handshakes than we think. But until next time...
Later days...
