Salam Brook,
I've never addressed it here (I think) but I've always attributed my social anxieties and low self-esteem, for the most part, to how my toxic aunt traumatised me as a wee babe. The memory is strong but there is only one. I've told a couple of people but they doubted me because I only remember a single incident. Who knows? I might have blocked out the rest or maybe it only took one incident to traumatise this petty, sensitive being hahaha.
Anyway, the reason for this post is that, although I've forgiven her...not face-to-face. My family dismissed it as something minor. I've made it well known that I never really liked her. And it's not like she ever acknowledged what she did and personally apologised. I forgave her in order to move on from that bubble of hate. I've never forgotten. If I did that I'd have never learnt not to be mean to kids for no reason. Yes, I can be mean.
The reason for this post is that I feel quite triumphant tonight because I just learnt that she is now being mean to her parents. That sounds horrible of me haha. I'm not happy about my grandparents getting the toxic treatment but I'm happy that she never changed. I'm happy she's still a bitter being. She writes books now, I have one in front of me, and I just threw it on the ground, smiling in exhilaration.
This is actually giving me a reason to confront her after all of these years. But I doubt she'd change. She'd just cry as if she's the victim. It's happened before in front of my own eyes. She had all of these years to grow up into a better person, perfect her character, but she just grew old and bitter.
Ya Allah, don't let me become her. Ameen.
Later days...
