Dear Malaysia

I hate you right now. What do you want? You're making everyone bitter, making everyone arrogant for making their choices. This battle of egos is nothing more than playground politics, it's absurd. No, I don't understand and I don't think I need to. My level of knowledge and education is obviously lower than most of men up there and if they can't see eye to eye, what good would my understanding do? If it is a crime not to choose then cuff my hands. If it is a sin then I'll exile myself into hiding from the eyes of men and spend the rest of my life devoting myself to my God. I see great faults on both pastures and with all the turmoil in the air I see no water ahead. Your flocks will die and you will fade into just another terrible nightmare. Bogeymen of the 21st century. You are all Bogeymen. My naivety is lost under all this hatred. Equal hatred for both parties. Equal hatred for all unnecessary conflicts. Democracy is a myth.

Remember when Qui Gon Jinn found Anakin and thought he was The One, as mentioned in the prophecy? But Anakin turned out to be the one to bring the Jedi down. It was his son Luke instead that was the saviour.

Remember when Merlin thought Sir Lancelot was the prophetic hero? But his affair with the Queen turned out to be the catalyst that lead to many deaths, including Arthur's. It was his bastard son Galahad that turned out to be the hero.

Yes these are fictions but fictions are inspired by real events. I have a point but I am not brave enough to speak it out loud.

Even in desperation maybe it isn't wise to choose to drink from either a poisoned well or a bowl of seawater. It's not like we'd last longer, we'll just suffer more before we die. If we don't choose, we can walk further, struggle further, search further. Maybe then we'll meet a Luke or a Galahad. And die as fate had intended but with dignity.

I'm sorry, this is just my opinion.

After the Wedding

Brook, I can't get this film out of my head. In most ways, it reminds me quite a lot of 'The Separation'. It' about human, life, and emotions. And both films end with their lives moving on, with no conclusive happy endings.  I hope in the future, this is what I will be able to put forth.

I realize that it's impossible for me to start doing them here, under the current dean at UiTM's film school. I can surely try and he will surely shut me down for being 'syok sendiri'. Really? And even so, wouldn't that be my choice? Somehow I feel like he belongs to those Classical Hollywood producers where only profit matters. Showbiz. No, not me. That is not my path. And so now, I can only endure.

Through the Looking Glass

Wow! It has been quite a while HAHAHAHA!

Oh Brook, you old sod. Frankly, I think its because blogging is no longer a trend. That's why I've slowed down terribly. But its really good exercise in language usage. I read my old and earlier posts and get jealous of myself, so I should keep it up, yes? To become a better writer, YES.

So here we go.

For the sake of record keeping, I am now in my 3rd semester at UiTM Puncak Perdana which means I've just started my 2nd year. To be honest with you [Brook], I'm quite nervous about this year. I'm feeling the jitters. More so than the previous year because I'm getting closer to reality. The working life. And 30 [gulp].

List of courses, Semester 3:
- Directing 1
- Cinematography 1
- Single Camera Production
- Post Production (Editing)
- Documentary Script
- Arts Law
- Introduction to Psychology & Sociology

...and 2 language courses. The top 4 courses are core subjects and within 2 months we will be practising them in a production of a short film.

One thing about UiTM thats so different from my studies at UKM is that UiTM rushes you against time. UKM is more calm and takes its time to slowly wean the knowledge into you. But I guess it is necessary within my field because TIME will be an enemy in any production other than finance.

Enough recapping my current situation, let's get a topic going.

I'm really bad at talking about current issues because I prefer a history lesson of some hundred years ago. Current issues nowadays, especially in Malaysia is being bent here and there for political reasons while our politicians are bashing and blaming each other like school kids. Its really not as amusing when you realize they run your country. [I really need to listen more to David Mitchell to be able to rant with humour and intelligence]. I have always guiltily kept a blind-eye towards all that because my brain hates boring stuff.

So no current issues. My gosh I'm empty. I recently have noticed that I am bad at conversations. And realizing this made it worse. Another is being an introvert and having a little social anxiety. Realizing the problem makes it worse! It's like I have labelled myself.

And now my brain is tired. Toodles!